Metadata
 
Ben A. Ben H. Doug Later
     
     
 
Why

I passed on that link, Ben, because it disturbed me. It didn't occasion anger, but rather the question: "good heavens, what brings a person to such a pass." It seems to have struck you similarly.

Are the sentiments expressed here not similar to the charicature of Christianity attacked by Machiavelli, the passivism that "gives the world over as prey to the wicked"? While this terribly mistaken belief does persist among certain Quakers, certain meditative sects, here we find the same position unredeemed by religion, subsisting instead on new-agey gestures: feelings, peace, an ethics mixed of milk and treacle. As I said, the most appalling thing. It horrified me, and I suppose I linked seeking comfort in numbers. We know what to expct from
that.

In recompense, let me point you here. [Ben A.: 5/27/04 13:08]
   
 
O Frabjous Day!

NYT
reports that Tracey Emin's Everyone I Have Ever Slept With 1963-1995 is among the art lost in the Great Saatchi Fire; or should I say, "cleansed?" [Ben H.: 5/27/04 08:41]
 
 
Are You Testing Me?

Ben, how could you link to that knowing that I'd have to read it? I am making a genuine effort to change my attitude, which necessarily includes a period of avoidance of provocative stimuli. It goes without saying that I share your assessment. What am I supposed to do with this? Maybe I should consider it some sort of deeply ironic gesture, a critique of the view it overstates. Of course, I know that's false. This deeply deluded man, confronted with a boastful photographic testament to the barbarity of his son's murderers, gives them the forgiveness and grants them a spark of conscience he in turn denies to George Bush, and means it without irony, means it with absolute lunatic sincerity. This is the voice of a society that has not merely lost confidence in itself, but abjures it very right to live on. It is not the voice of mere slave morality, but of suicide morality.

What the hell is the Boston Globe doing running this piece? Do its editors think it is a brave gesture, a subversive gesture, praiseworthy dissent? It is nothing more than amplifying a father's horrifying desecration of his son's memory. A man selling the life of the flesh of his flesh for a political campaign. I get the sickening sense that for this man, the death of his son is less an occasion for grief (of course, desire for vengeance is out of the question), than an opportunity to preen self-righteously before the camera and luxuriate in the adulation of the antiwar left.

But I'm not angry. This is not a matter for spleen, but for tears. It is depressing how low people can sink.
[Ben H.: 5/26/04 21:39]
 
 
The Most Terrible Thing

As for equanimity,
this shattered mine. Paragraph three may be the most appalling thing I have read in my entire life.


[Ben A.: 5/26/04 18:26]
   
 
Various

If serenity demands ingratitude towards such gifts of providence as the great Saatchi insurance fire of aught-four, then all this meditative stuff can go hang! I am so looking forward to learning what
bogus works were immolated.

Also, Ben H., don't beat yourself up over the call on Wells-for-Clemens (although I recall you defending the virtues of Homer Bush). It's closer than you would imagine: Wells is the best morbidly obese athelete of the decade:


Wells (record, innings, Ks, ERA)

1999 17-10, 231.2, 169, 4.82
2000 20-8, 229.2, 166, 4.12
2001 5-7, 100.2, 59, 4.47
2002 19-7, 206.1, 137, 3.75
2003 15-7, 213.0, 101, 4.14

Clemens (record, innings, Ks, ERA)

1999 14-10, 187.2, 163, 4.60
2000 13-8, 204.1, 188, 3.70
2001 20-3, 220.1, 213, 3.51
2002 13-6, 180.0, 192, 4.35
2003 17-9, 211.2, 190, 3.91

[Ben A.: 5/26/04 18:05]
   
 
Intermission

I apologize in advance, Ben, for making a post which could arguably contaminate your day with news and I apologize to the both of you (and anyone else reading this) for exhibiting unseemly schadenfreude, but this
report is too good to pass up.

To lose all that great "art", such a tragedy, both on the personal level for Mr. Saatchi and for society at large. I mean, think about how long it is going to take for Tracey Emin to again so thoroughly dirty a bed? And the Chapman brothers, think about their ordeal: they'll have to go all the way back to Toys 'R Us to buy more miniature soldiers. And Chris Ofili... do you know how hard it was to get the elephant to crap on his paintings just so?

I'm so broken up about it, I may have to take the rest of the day off from posting... [Ben H.: 5/26/04 07:39]
 
 
Claussen

My views on Yankee trades have often proven very wrong (I vaguely remember arguing to you that Wells-for-Clemens was not a good deal; if you're charitable, you'll claim you don't remember), but on the Aaron Boone debacle I came out loud and clear against it.

Then again, it might have all been worth it to see a scrub like Boone torpedo your cursed Red Sox in Game 7 of the ALCS. After all, we can just buy Claussen back (as we did Wells). Yankee fandom is like a magical cake you can eat and have, too.
[Ben H.: 5/26/04 06:29]
 
 
Computer Message Litotes

I just received an email with the subject header "Increase Dick Length." Our filtering software let this through, but did manage to append an adendum to the subject line:

[POSSIBLE SPAM]

Possible spam? Dude, let's go out on a limb here... emails about penis length I think rise to the level of at least "probable spam", wouldn't you say? I mean, what the hell would an email have to say to get tagged as "definite spam"? Would it have to be spam advertising other spam?
[Ben H.: 5/25/04 21:55]
 
 
Menu Poker Next To Real Poker

The last intense menu poker session I had with my high school friends took place at one of their bachelor parties. This took place at one of those Indian casinos (Mohegan Sun maybe? I can't recall exactly). They boast about the array of restaurants they have just off the floor and as against my preconceptions about Vegas buffets, these Indians had brought in some pricey eateries. Now, I loath casinos. I find it particularly dull since one could argue that I spend my whole workday gambling anyway, except with much larger sums of (other people's) money, in an infinitely more interesting casino, one where I have an edge and where I don't have to breathe stale tobacco smoke. So we have this enormous meal, and many, many drinks are consumed, and I think to myself, Ben, the bill is going to come and it is going to be this stupid thing where I have to either get stuck with paying for all these other guys*' alcohol or I am going to have to be a stick in the mud and point out that I didn't have any. The whole process is going to cause a lot of brain damage and I am going to feel bad (either mad-bad or guilty-bad) either way. And I've suffered through a three hour drive up here and I am facing a three hour drive back and I've stood around in this retarded casino for several hours, I mean I've had pretty intense disutility already. So I am just going to grab the damn check and pay for the whole thing myself. That way I don't feel mad, like I've been gypped, or bad, like I've been a killjoy miser, but instead I'll feel generous. And whatever this is going to cost, it is trivial in comparison to what I would have paid to avoid the whole experience in the first place. Worked like a charm!

*none of whom had an MBA at the time.
[Ben H.: 5/25/04 21:51]
 
   
No, Ben; the majority of B-school grads I've met wholeheartedly embrace the world of business. The worry that they forgo other worlds by their monomania just doesn't occur to them. The exceptions I know mostly went to top-tier schools -- Harvard, Wharton -- that tend to accept better-rounded people. [Doug: 5/25/04 17:35]
 
     
 
Menu Poker Strategies

How I hate being inveigled into spending a zillion dollars at dinner! It can be even worse among groups of friends, like mine, where some have chosen to follow God, not Mammon (or in the case of physicians, have deferred their allegiance to the Horned King until after residency).

My response depends upon the group. When a true innocent, like, say, a teacher, is dragged down the spiral of $10 martinis, I start fussing about my desire to split the bill by what we ordered. When it's just us clock-work zombies,* however, I follow Ben H's "bad man" theory and order the most expensive steak on the menu. The one I had at this bachelor party in SF was fantastic.

*Naturally, I consider myself "in, but not of" the b-school influenced robot world. But don't they all?

Risk Pooling...

...Is just what happens when you're stuck splitting the tab with a group of Ketel-One-Cosmopolitan-chugging I-bankers. What, you say your "risk" of buying a $15 drink is zero? Too bad! And with health care, you can't even refuse the invitation.

Something for Nothing

Just thought you might be interested to know, Ben H, that Brandon Claussen has stuck out 26% of all batters he's faced in AAA. No word on his jump shot.

Karate Champ

My synagogue was unusual in that after the Torah portion, there would be a period of discussion. It was a faculty crowd, and so the discussion was often quite erudite; as you might also expect, it was frequently insufferable. (note: both insufferable and erudite correlate with "Harvard faculty member," but did not, correlate with each other. This was not the last time I would observe this). Anyway, the point being, that my Dad, a reasonable guy, would let me skip the discussion period and encouraged me to play videogames across the street instead.

That's the (perhaps unique) context I bring to Karate Champ (also, to Kung Fu Master). It's a great game! At our next get together, I propose we download it in MAME and play it extensively to the exclusion of all other passtimes. [I should also note that despite a high level of skill, I could never win the very first extra cerdit "challenge" screen. Doug, did you ever successfully dodge the flowerpots?]
[Ben A.: 5/25/04 17:06]
   
 
Menu Poker

Doug, your analogy is perfect!

I've had similar discomfort with the other side of the menu. When I first moved back to New York, I went out more frequently with my high school friends. These guys and gals are capable of guzzling copious amounts of alcohol. As you know, I abstain. When the bill used to come around, though, simplicity argued for just slicing it up evenly. Not wanting to sound like a whiner or a miser, I would end up holding my tongue and emptying my wallet. At a certain point, I realized that dining out with these friends embodied a classic collective action problem, moral hazard. The rational response would be to consume as much alcohol as possible on these occasions, a response that my own preferences foreclosed to me. Then I realized: I may be a teetotaler, but I am also at times a relentless over-eater. I would fast the day of these outings and consume as large and extravagant an array of dishes as possible.

Now, Doug, I don't deny that a bunch of status-consumed yuppies bantering about "how reasonable" an enormous bill is, all the while clutching their billfolds with white knuckles, probably do not make for pleasant company. I would suggest, however, that it is likewise no fun to listen to a bunch of half-cocked twenty-somethings express shock over the per-head amount that's due after a night of frenzied guzzling of cosmopolitans.
[Ben H.: 5/25/04 15:03]
 
 
Stepmother Tongue

I had an exchange of Bloombergs with a friend this afternoon during which an interesting question came up regarding when to Americanize (why i do not say "anglicize" will become clear shortly) the pronunciation of foreign words. We were discussing London hotels; she mentioned that she had stayed at the Berkeley, but noted that people seemed to pronounce it "Barkley." I replied that in fact it (and the square it is on) is pronounced "Barkley." Well, she, quite sensibly in my view, dislikes pretentious use of foreign pronunciation in conversation. Shouldn't she, therefore, as an American English speaker pronounce it "Berkley?"

A good question. We agreed that very few verbal tics annoy quite as acutely as New Yorkers who talk about their Spanish holidays in "IbiTHa." I recall with irritation the way that Peter Jennings used to say "Nicaragua" back during Iran-Contra (I know Doug shares this sentiment). He would momentarily drop out of his smug pucker-face Canadian accent and spit out the name of the country with an absurd hispanophone elan; that raised "i" ("ee") hurt, but that "r", that precious, self-satisfied dentalized liquid, that one little phoneme, so harmless to a more tolerant soul, probably did more than any other one thing to bring me over to the side of the Contras, Reagan and conservatism generally. So we can say, I think, that I share my correspondent's abhorrence of affected refusal to Americanize foreign names and words.

And yet... I could not agree that one should pronounce the square or the hotel "Berklee." It just didn't seem right to me. I have given it some thought, and I think my answer helps move towards a codifiable rule on Americanization. "Berkeley" is really just a weirdly spelled word; like "through" or "Leicester." It is not said as it is spelled. Now, it would be precious for an American to pronounce "Berkeley" as "Bahcleh" (as "U" Brits do), or to pronounce "Leicester" as "Lihstah." The trick is first to translate the funny spelling to a representative spelling -- that is, a spelling that represents how locals pronounce it (to continue with our examples: "Barkley" and "Lester"). Take that spelling at read it with a pure, clean American accent: the former should sound like the last name of the basketball player otherwise known as "Sir Charles", the latter like the first name of the notorious Gov Maddox of Georgia.

Guys, do you think this rule works?

I realize, of course, that it does nothing to resolve the related perplexities involving whether to use local or translated placenames. Torino for Turin? Abomination! But wouldn't you say that substituting Leghorn for Livorno is also kind of stupid?
[Ben H.: 5/24/04 21:12]
 
 
Insure This!

Doug, you are right on about the folly of modern health insurance. Neither Franklin Roosevelt nor Blue Cross invented risk collectivization. As I alluded to in an earlier post on old age pensions, people erroneously identify risk-pooling with the institutions that carry it out today. Of course, risk-pooling pre-dates these particular institutions. People didn't merely drop dead or fend for themselves when they became ill before the advent of the HMO. When one family member got sick, others took care of him; or neighbors took care of neighbors. As medical care became not merely comfort that pretty much anybody could provide, but rather a specialized skill, it was woven into the cash nexus. That move called for a more formal risk-pooling arrangement, namely health insurance.

People often lose sight of the fact that saving can function as a form of risk-pooling. I defer consumption in exchange for a claim on others' future production. Should I fall ill (or grow old -- as in the example from the earlier post), I can draw down this claim to meet my needs. The advantage over normal health insurance or PAYG pension schemes -- I'll call these intratemporal risk-pooling -- is that it is manifestly within the control of the individual to manage. The individual owns the resources he uses to insulate himself from the consequences of unforeseen events and therefore can dispose of them as he pleases. Intratemporal schemes require a complicated web of rules to prevent adverse selection, moral hazard, and outright fraud.

It is also possible to combine intertemporal and intratemporal schemes. In the case of health care, this would involve medical savings accounts supplemented by intratemporal risk-pooling for truly catastrophic expenses. Sure, you still have the bureaucratic challenges of intratemporal schemes, but the smaller the corner you push the intratemporal aspect of risk-pooling into, the less vexing those challenges become. Our health care system runs in the other direction. We put routine, utterly predictable expenses through the insurance scheme by mandate. New York State requires health plans to cover contraceptives. You might as well make an insurance claim for toothpaste! I thought this represented the height of insurance absurdity until I saw that most plans also cover Viagra: that's like having insurance pay for candy and toothpaste!
[Ben H.: 5/24/04 20:49]
 
   
Soylent: It's All About People (tm)

(sorry for the delay -- this is my recommended change for your new company name)
[Doug: 5/24/04 19:04]
 
   
As you've gathered and/or been explicitly told, excessive work has kept me from posting. It's my fault. I budgeted too little time for this project. I really have to concede that I can't work as fast with voice recognition software as I could when my wrists were healthy and I could type a lot.

Ben H's point about the insurance industry is well taken. Only the blessed get paid to do what they really want to do. Ben H may be so blessed -- I'll let him decide -- but Ben A and I are not. Nobody is going to pay me to take strolls and write unpublishable philosophy books*. The goal is to find something that pays well without much impairing your ability to do what you like to do. In particular, you don't want to overtax whatever faculty your preferred activity relies on. Amateur cyclists should probably not take jobs as bike messengers. And I should probably not have a job that requires so much abstract thinking. If I were healthier and it paid more, I'd go break rocks at the quarry Howard Roark-style. I guess the insurance industry would be a decent alternative to this, not too mentally taxing. I never did insurance work, but I had some enjoyable temp jobs. The only time I ever felt I really understood Goedel's second incompleteness theorem was when I was collating financial reports for the Trust Company of the West in L.A. The paper-piling was so mindless that I could focus totally on the math.

My only problem is when artists let their insurance work go too far, like Boulez and Stockhausen, who derive their music directly from actuarial tables.

Seriously, my only problem is that there is an insurance industry. This is quickly becoming my own hobby-horse. Mutual health insurance is basically a bunch of people who get together and say "if I get sick, you'll pay my doctor bills, and if you get sick, I'll pay yours." It is not immediately clear that this requires an industry. I guess it's clear, after a few seconds' thought, that an industry can help optimize these arrangements -- widen membership beyond personal acquaintances to dilute the pain of big claims, standardize claim-approval procedures, generally act as a broker. But the industry has grown so far beyond this as to have become the agent-principal problem from hell. By getting its tentacles into the medical system itself, it has made itself indispensable: you can't go back to the old informal-agreement model, because doctors won't even treat you without a plastic insurance-industry card. And our country's laws, paid for by lobbyists, enforce this system. I don't particularly want to go into the details of the Health Care Question, but I want to ask whether I'm wrong to think that we should all stand back and be dumbfounded by the very idea that there is a health insurance "industry" which straight-facedly defends its own "interests". (You could counter that this question would apply just as well to, say, the securities industry. To which I say (1) corporate financing requires larger and more complicated transactions than health insurance, and (2) the securities industry does make unethical profits from its own conflicts of interest.)

Frankly, my attitude toward the Health Care System is the same as the Bush administration's attitude toward Iraq: it's in such despicable hands that, even without a clear plan for the aftermath, we should just smash it to bits and see what happens.

What else. Oh yeah, we did go to Michigan for a long weekend. We saw my parents, and hung out with John G. and Tomoko for the first time since our wedding. We actually went camping at the same place near Charlevoix where our "contra" mythos was founded. Speaking of baroque nerd games (as Ben A just was), we watched a videotape of an old "gin" tournament (pronounced with a hard "g"). When our parents took us camping and it rained, we would go to various roadhouses, where they'd drink beer and we would play whatever games were available: pool, Pac-Man, etc. One bar had a game called "Karate Champ" with low resolution graphics and even lower-resolution voice synthesis. Before every match, a pixellated referee would say "Begin!", except that the first syllable was inaudible. Somehow the remaining syllable, along with the Karate Champ's seven point scoring system and some other idiosyncrasies, got woven into this other (physical) game we played that involved throwing a ball off the roof. Gin evolved into a sophisticated game and we took winning very seriously. (I think we finally lost count of the G. family's lightbulbs/windowpanes that succumbed to our efforts.)

This reminds me of an even nerdier game, a card game that I actually named "contra". I don't remember all the rules. I invented it with my friend Jason in 10th or 11th grade. Partly it was a math-geek phenomenon (the basic idea was to lay out cards domino-style so that all rows added up to prime numbers), but it was also a pretty funny parody/celebration of card game nomenclature. Have you ever considered all the weird words associated with card games? Take just
cribbage: the crib? his heels? his nob? What exactly is his nob? Why would you want it? Anyway, in contra, the hand you're dealt is called the "wad", and your goal is to "blow your wad" by playing all your cards on the aforementioned grid. There is also a card kept face-down on the table called the "smeg", although I can't remember what its function was. Also, we had some mildly pornographic term for sticking a card in the hole between four other cards; alas, it escapes me.

Warning to people in their mid-to-late-20's

Had dinner last week with a friend at Otto, Mario Batali's new pizza joint on Eighth Street. It's fine, a little too clean and bright and food-networky for my downtown sensibilities; I suppose, given that authentic is the new good, it was good. Anyway she was complaining about another trendy restaurant she'd dined in, with her friend's circle of business-school buddies. TO ALL WHO HAVE EARS TO HEAR, REJECT SUCH INVITATIONS AT ALL COST. I don't want to say that all recent business school graduates are lepers; I don't even believe that, quite. On their own, some are decent conversationalists (they read The Economist, after all!) and some can be more than money-driven automata. But put four or five of them around a table of foccaccia and San Pellegrino and watch out. You instantly have a competition to determine who can blow the most money and be the most ostentatiously blasé about it. We once got invited to a Tribeca conspicuous-consumption parlor (Layla, if you care to know) by one of Dao's friends, who is a sweet and intelligent person. The dinner was organized by her business school buddies. The menu perusal phase was like gastronomical poker. "I'll see your scuba-dived scallops and raise you a Chateau Latour." The thing is that nobody can fold -- to do so would be to declare one's (current or projected) salary lower than the others', and to these people, nothing more shameful is imaginable. Once the a la carte options had been maxed out, somebody raised the idea of the tasting menu. Well, the waiter informed us, the whole table has to order the tasting menu. I figured this was out of the question since several plates of appetizers had already been consumed. But in this poker game nobody could point this out, lest they be suspected of flinching at the $60-a-head price. As an ancillary guest, I didn't feel like spoiling everyone's fun. (I hadn't yet realized that there was no fun, only posturing.) So once the idea was raised, nobody could oppose it, despite its patent absurdity. My steak came and, already full from the mezze, I put it straight into the doggie bag, untouched. I didn't actually wish death on any of my convives until the bill came and they started commenting on it: "How reasonable!" "Not even a hundred dollars a person!" "Great bargain!"

As I said to our friend at Otto: you shouldn't despise these people, because they are the boiler that keeps the engine of prosperity going ... but that doesn't make the boiler room an agreeable place to hang out.

Saturday we had the chance to see our friend Henry whom we met in Hanoi. He was passing through New York ... and meeting at a restaurant with his business school buddies. Henry is actually such a great guy that I had no second thoughts about it. Of course, we didn't stay past an initial round of drinks. And we said not more than fifty words total to the five other people there. Actually they didn't seem so bad, but in this situation I have learned not to take chances.

* unless, of course, I use that philosophy to launch a new career as a guru.
[Doug: 5/24/04 18:44]
 
 
Romani Ite Domum

In response to the question, "what's your favorite movie," I've long answered Life of Brian. Since I haven't watched it since the days of the first Bush administration, I wondered whether that assessment might have gone stale. Luckily, I got the chance to find out. As a sort of opportunistic and cheeky response to the success of The Passion of the Christ, the Pythons have arranged for a theatrical re-release of their classic biblical satire. I saw it at the Sunshine yesterday, and I am happy to report that I found it, if anything, funnier now than I did as a callow youth. For one thing, the film is greatly enhanced by the movie-theater experience -- a large, raucous, appreciative audience; and a wide screen and good sound system, not at all for the usual reasons (to better appreciate a special effects extravaganza) but to offset the poor sound and film quality that made many bits of the film inscrutable on 80s-era VCRs.

The ending remains one of the all-time great closing numbers. A fun fact: during the Falklands War, the crew of the HMS Sheffield, sinking after taking a hit from an Argentine Exocet missile, broke into their own rendition of "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life" as they awaited rescue.

*Indulgent digression: the sinking of the Sheffield came as a great surprise, for a very similar reason to that which led planners to wrongly believe that the WTC could withstand the immpact of a large passenger aircraft. Many of the Sheffield's structural elements were made, unusually, of aluminum. The ships architechts, however, did not take account of the intense heat that could arise from burning excess missile propellant in the event the ship should be hit by a missile. Aluminum can actually burn at such temperatures, which is exactly what happened when the Sheffield was hit by the Exocet. The ship withstood the impact and warhead explosion tolerably well, but had to be abandoned due to the fire and attendant toxic gases. The story is told in
this fun, little book. [Ben H.: 5/24/04 15:06]
 
 
Early Fruits

It’s harder to avoid the news than I imagined. Deb wakes up to NPR in the morning. Fortunately (for me), medical hours are so ungodly early that grogginess shields me from direct exposure, but I vaguely recall some infuriating bit about abortion.

Even the drive into work revealed every radio station as a potential threat to equanimity. After the sports radio station (I mean really!) paused to discuss the Saudi proposal to raise oil production, I scrambled in my backseat for a suitable CD. What I found:
Araby. Timeless achievements:1. Soul-sucking emphemera: 0.


“We had the better team, but their Russians were better than our Russians”

The Boston suburb of Brookline boasts one of the best public school systems in the country. Students from the high school routinely matriculate at Ivies and top technical schools, and property values reflect this. So what does it mean when my Russian cab driver talks about supplementing his son’s Brookline education with a math tutor? It means, simply, that American math instruction blows.

Abundant evidence suggests the superiority of lesson plans East of the Elbe. Personal anecdotage confirms this. The title quote above was my sophomore block-mate David’s explanation of a youthful loss in the math Olympiad. (I've always enjoyed the implication that Russians are to high school math what goaltending is to hockey -- when your Russians are on a hot streak, it's a tremendous equalizer...)

Dilating on math-related topics … I don’t doubt exposure to a Russian curriculum would have substantially improved me, but of course, let’s not kid ourselves. The most value of a selective college comes in the first three months, with the inevitable explosion of high-school illusions.

David, though the nicest fellow imaginable, certainly helped me with this. He was the scion of a highly accomplished scientific family (his grandfather provided the name of your UCSD college, Doug), and like many of us, spent his early youth making up intricate strategy games. Unlike the rest of us, however, he was able to road test these entertainments with Von Neumann at the family Christmas party. True story:

Young David: “would you like to play my new game”
Von Neumann: “(microsecond pause) Only if I go second.”

I’m drifting here… okay … anyway, with guys like David around you quickly abandon dreams of mathematical immortality. As, alas, do guys like David. I believe his hyper-selective math class adopted as their motto “When Gauss was your age…”


To the Victor

A steaming pitcher of ichor for you, Ben H, when next we meet!
[Ben A.: 5/24/04 12:16]
   
 
Wong Kar Wai

My Guangzhou-born colleague tells me that Haunted Cop Shot spawned a sequel, Haunted Cop Shop II. Not clear when or whether this will come to BAM...
[Ben H.: 5/24/04 08:50]
 
 
Dinner Time, Sucka

Lovecraft's "The Rats in the Walls"!

"Blimey, Jeeves! That's a bloody big pile of bones, I'd say! Whoever made this mess must have been a rather bad egg!"

Media Blackout

Weird, Ben, I had the same thought. As you know, I haven't had a television for nearly a decade, so that's taken care of. Since I moved, I haven't had a radio either (I've been too lazy to hook it up; and frankly, I feel like long stretches of silence have done my mental state good). Alas, my job requires me to stay on top of the news. However, I have made an effort to avoid domestic papers. I have been unpacking my books, now that the workmen have finished up, and I came across my copy of Mann's Reflections of a Non-Political Man. I know Mann basically renounced it later in life, but at the moment I find that idea that passionate involvement in politics precludes many noble virtues, first among them creativity, quite convincing.

UPDATE: Apparently,
others share my revulsion at how the political has pervaded all discourse to the exclusion of loftier concerns.

Daniel Schorr

Isn't that wheezing gasbag dead yet? (Sorry, you can probably count that as a splenetic outburst; yet there is a difference between serenity and a vegetative state. To fail to lash out in response to Daniel Schorr's voice probably counts as one of the standards for deciding whether one is awake or in a coma.) [Ben H.: 5/23/04 20:31]
 
 
Angrying Up The Blood

Bravo, Ben H, for avoiding the Sontag. A foetid whiff of NPR (Daniel Schorr!) spiked my bloodpressure this morning. The first portentous line had me exploding: "oh shut up, you defeatist motherfucker!" While coming down, I wondered (not for the first time) why I have not attempted complete media sessation. I didn't have a answer, so I hereby inaugurate a pilot (uncontrolled) study: one week with no newspapers, no webnews, no nothing except spectator sports, books, tennis, and current-event excluding conversations. I will, however, chart my progress here.

Already, by avoiding the news this weekend, I have found time for timeless achievements like the following:

"You will observe, sir, that the hewn walls of the passage, according to the direction of the strokes, must have been chiseled from beneath."

"From beneath you say, Jeeves?"

"Yes, sir."

"But in that case --"

"For the sake of your sanity, sir, I would advise you not to ruminate on the implications."


A dinner at the Junior Ganymede to the first to cite the ur-text...

[Ben A.: 5/23/04 18:59]
   
 
Serenity

I noticed that the NYT Magazine cover story is a Susan Sontag essay on Abu Ghraib, probably something along the lines of how the pictures prove that the U.S. is the world's worst torturer, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength, etc. But not only have I refrained from giving it a vigorous fisking, I didn't even read it.

Over on Smith Street, billionaire-sponsored grass-roots activists MoveOn.org are holding a "George Bush retirement party," featuring a bevy of leftists poets ($5 suggested donation, a bargain at twice the price, I'm sure). Much as provoking street demonstrators has given me transient delight in the past (a fond memory: walking beside the cops at a Mumia/Leonard Peltier demo in Murray Hill yelling, "Leonard Peltier is a Red Injun cop-killer!"), I stayed on my side of Court Street.
[Ben H.: 5/23/04 16:19]
 
 
The Creative Ferment of the Insurance Industry

I did my best this weekend to take advantage of New York's cultural opportunities, given that I've already suffered the financial and emotional damage of living here. So off I went to Saturday's installment of the New York Philharmonic's
Charles Ives festival. The program promised an interesting evening (Ives, Gershwin, premier of an Adams piece), but as is too often the case at Avery Fisher Hall, uneven execution marred a good concept. John Adams took the podium as guest conductor; as part of my effort at self-improvement, I'll limit myself to saying that John Adams is a good composer. I had a bit of advance warning of Adams' difficulties: one of Bernie's friends attended an open rehearsal and reported that Adams was having trouble making some of the Ives work. When I saw that one Ives piece (Fugue: "From Greenland's Icy Mountains") had been dropped from the program at the last minute, I had a sinking feeling. It turned out only to be partially justified. The soprano Audra McDonald did a fantastic job, showing immense versatility, shining equally at Gershwin quasi-ragtime and an Adams operatic excerpt. While admiring her performance, I did not find this last piece to my taste. Adams' opera Nixon in China is a pretty cool piece of minimalism (check out track 4 here for a sense of it), but this new one seems firmly of his post-minimalist "aimless noodling" phase. Worse yet, the opera is entitled "Doctor Atomic", which one would vainly hope to be the first Marvel Comics opera, but instead is about J. Robert Oppenheimer; Saint J. Robert Fucking Oppenheimer, poor persecuted victim of the mean anti-Communists. Puh-leeze! Only Adams' Harmonium turned out a total disaster. I really like this piece (I even have a recording of it, you can hear excerpts here), but this rendition was ruined by the caterwauling Choral Arts Society of Washington, which spent most of the 35 minute duration of the piece searching unsuccessfully for accurate pitch. I mean, even I could tell; which means that Bernie, with her expensively trained musician's ear, spent the 35 minutes alternately squirming and grimacing.

I'm fond of Ives, and I am always grateful for the opportunity to hear his work performed in concert. It isn't, after all, the sort of stuff that one puts on the stereo after work or as background sound for a lazy Sunday afternoon. Part of the attraction, I think, comes from Ives the man. Ben A. posted a note about Wallace Stevens recently. Ives represents the musical parallel to Stevens. He gives the lie entirely to the Romantic notions of the wild, unruly, passionate life that a gifted composer must lead. Ives spent his entire working life as an insurance executive. In fact, his reputation in that field* is one of an important innovator. His life gives those of us in vulgar trade the hope that it will not entirely foreclose the possibility of artistic transcendence. Ives would commute home from his office and spend the evenings composing. Few of his works were performed until the very end of his life. Perhaps residing on the artistic fringe allowed him the freedom to write such unusual, unprecedented music.

Pairing Ives and Adams makes for a revealing contrast. Adams enjoyed rather precocious success and has spent his career cosseted by the artistic establishment. Very quickly after graduation from Harvard, he landed as the composer-in-residence of the San Francisco Symphony and soono after inked a recording contract that has meant that virtually every piece of music he has completed has been recorded and released. His work glows with high polish, but I doubt it will ever achieve the startling originality of Ives'.

*Stevens also worked in insurance. And not that I consider him an artist in the same sense as Ives and Stevens, but when Tom Clancy wrote The Hunt for Red October he was working as an insurance broker in Maryland. What is it with this business? Perhaps insurance is dull and slow enough to allow ample scope for daydreaming? [Ben H.: 5/23/04 10:10]
 
 
Genre Confusion on Lafayette Avenue

Brooklyn Academy of Music is running a Wong Kar Wai
retrospective this month. Bernie is a big fan; I’m only familiar with his more recent films, In the Mood for Love and Happy Together, both of which come from the “longing, loss, memory” school of “luminous” storytelling. And while I recall now that he has done a few movies that veer into "action" territoy, this evening I expected a movie in a similar vein to the two just mentioned. We were supposed to see As Tears Go By, which, judging only by the title*, would not deviate from this formula. Due to the life-eating properties of my job, I did not arrive in Brooklyn in time for this movie. Instead we took in the other Wong Kar Wai film on offer, the puzzlingly titled Haunted Cop Shop (all his titles are translated, and to be honest, I thought we had a “Donkey Kong” situation here). How to describe this film? If Slapstick Vampire Policier were a recognized genre, the ur-text of Slapstick Vampire Policiers would be Haunted Cop Shop. I think having written the foregoing, I give nothing away by telling you that Haunted Cop Shop is a very, very silly movie. To judge by the standards of viewer response, Haunted Cop Shop was great. I laughed my ass off, even, or maybe especially, in those all-too-frequent parts during which the subtitles failed to appear, probably out of a misplaced desire on the part of the translators to protect the reputation of the writers.

Do you guys remember the part of the Anita Hill hearings where Senator Specter (I think) noted portentiously certain parallels between Prof. Hill’s testimony and The Exorcist? If any of Secretary Rumsfeld’s senatorial inquisitors had seen Haunted Cop Shop, they surely would have asked the same sort of question about this movie and Abu Ghraib, since a key part of the slender plot hangs on the main characters walking about with their heads covered by women’s underwear.

One of you two, in an earlier post, pointed out how you perceive movies very differently when you enter the theatre without any foreknowledge or informed expectations. A similar effect obtains when one has wildly incorrect expectations. My theatergoing experience was kind of like buying a ticket for a Douglas Sirk movie and having the projectionist put on one of those Lloyd Kauffman / Troma flicks. My goofball shields were completely down; Haunted Cop Shop de-cloaked and fried me with dork phasers.

My enjoyment was probably also conditioned by the knowledge of what I was avoiding by agreeing to go to this show. Bernie had been after me to accompany her to the new Jim Jarmusch movie, Coffee And Cigarettes, and we went to BAM in preference to that. It is foreordained that I should despise a movie by an overrated, pretentious director named for two substances I find disgusting.** With every constipation joke and pratfall of Haunted Cop Shop, I got an additional thrill of knowing at that very moment patrons of the Angelika were being abused by the dull virtual humor of Jarmusch’s B-list celebrity improvisers.

*I maintain in the face of dogged conventional and aphoristic wisdom that this is in fact a highly efficient means of judging movies, books, and people.
**As you two know, I’ve been particularly vocal on the former, as long ago as over 10 years ago (see here; a slighter and more recent example from this blog here). However, the definitive anti-coffee case appears in Mark Helprin’s Memoir from Antproof Case, whose nameless narrator attacks his sentencing judge and divorces his first wife over drinking coffee. Incidentally, he also makes his fortune as an emerging markets investor. Coincidence?
[Ben H.: 5/22/04 00:26]
 
 
No Breast-Feeding on the 2-Train, But...

...that doesn't mean the Broadway lines are oddity free. I spied the fellow next to me as I rode home last night reading a book entitled "Truth In Dating" (
here is the book in question, in all its pathetic glory, thanks to Amazon). Nothing particularly exceptional about that (though I own there is something kind of sad about dating instruction books), except that the reader was a forty-something Hasid. Wouldn't he be better served by "Truth In Arranged Marriages?"

But let's assume that for twenty years he's escaped the clutches of the matchmaker, or, alternatively, that his maturing child-bride's charms have faded, what with the ban on schmattes made from Indian hair forcing her to don some kind of polyester wig and her 12 grueling trips through childbirth before age 35, and as a result, Mr. Hasid has decided to commit himself to the New York dating scene. I'm going to wager that whatever frustrations he has encountered, they probably cannot be chalked up to issues of honesty. I mean, what, did he lose the attentions of waves of Manhattans young lovelies through insufficiently credible excuses used to turn down Friday-night dates? Or, what, me, Hasidic? Oh, the beard, how funny, actually it's just that I forgot to trim my Van Dyke for a couple of days.

But who am I, my feelings hidden under a carapace of mendacious conventionality, to scoff at another man's decision to strip away all the protective deceptions and get out there and bare his soul. Brave Hasid, let the ladies know what you're all about: Bubbeleh, you may be a piece of trayf, but you fiiiiiiiine! [Ben H.: 5/21/04 07:25]
 
 
The King of The White Collar Blush..

...is of course James Thurbur. Typically for Thurbur, it takes a darker form than mere blushes: Walter Mitty fumes at the "insolent" skill of a parking garage man and considers putting his arm in a sling to disguise his inability to remove a car's snow chains. Who hasn't had these thoughts? And to think that an an hour a week of our exqusitely tuned educations devoted to, say, carpentry, would have innoculated us from this angst. Instead, they taught us trig. What a waste!
[Ben A.: 5/20/04 23:17]
   
 
Conservation of Spleen

Gee, if by operation of some heretofore unknown law of conservation, my little moment of realization has injected the both of you with unmanageable quantities of bile, as a gesture of amity I'll make sure to get indigant about something and throw a hissy fit forthwith!
[Ben H.: 5/20/04 14:35]
 
   
Sorry I can't keep up w/ you guys ... too busy at work. Ben A., you'll be glad to know that all this work is making me angry and aggressive, so spleen may indeed be conserved here. I haven't even had time to say anything about camping in Michigan last weekend. Here's one variant of an overworked joke I haven't seen, though.

Red State Humor

Q: What do you say to your minister when you awkardly see him settling in among the solicitous floozies at the local bordello?

A: "Whom would Jesus do?"

[Doug: 5/20/04 13:30]
 
 
Soylent: It's People! (tm)

I like your suggestion, Ben. The company motto practically wrote itself. You do injure me, though, when you say that "Demeter" is smart-ass; that was the honest suggestion I made to the rest of the board! My only other one was Southern Cone Agricultural Management; SCAM acronmyically-speaking. I was admonished that in the age of Sarbanes-Oxley and Elliot Spitzer, it is unwise to make such a suggestion, even in jest.

When it comes to acronym-based names, though, we will have difficulty coming to agreement. The board is partly Argentine and partly American. The anglophone and hispanophone world do acronmyms very differently. For us ice-people, an acronmy is a series of letters, each pronounced by name. International Business Machines = IBM = "Aye-Bee-Emm." The hot-blooded Latins aim for more euphony in their acronyms, taking pieces of the underlying words and stitching them into pronounceable names. Aerovias Nacionales de Colombia, SA = AVIANCA (pronouced as it looks). Inversiones y Representaciones, SA = Irsa. Some are slightly hybrid: Compania Nacional Telefonica de Venezuela = CANTV = "Can-tay-vay." Another difference you may have deduced from these examples is that the corporate status designator gets folded into the hispanophone acronym (generally) while it stays out of the anglophone one (generally). That is, "inc." or "corp" or "ltd." do not become "i" or "c" or "l" in the acronym; they are left out. "Sociedad Anonima" practically always gets tacked on as "sa": Endesa, Enarsa, Tribasa, Ahmsa, Hylsa, etc.
[Ben H.: 5/20/04 10:33]
 
 
Company Names

For an agrobusiness concern based in the Catholic South, can I suggest Soylent?

Seriously, though, my ill-named company considered a change two years ago, and identified a few basic categories.

1. Do you want to be listed on Nasdaq, or at least give the strong implication of a 90s scam-IPO covered by Donaldson, Lufkin, and Jenrette? If so, select for overall level of tweeness and the presence of Xs, Zs, (and, perhaps, Qs). Possibilities then include barbarisms like "Agrotex" and smart-ass names like "Ceres" or "Demeter".

2. Do you instead want to appear a corporate behemoth? If so, acronymns -- ADM, EDC, MPM -- avoid pigeonholing, convey immensity, and give lots of leeway. The risk here is that, like Vince McMahon, you'll be aced out on the letter code by some non-governmental. TFP (Tenencias Feudales De la Plantación) is likely free.

3. I favor the Honda "Accord" route, whereby the company just coopts some familiar, euphonous noun. Biotech has done this well, with Millenium, Vertex, and more recently, Infinity and Memory. For your company, let me suggest "Verdant".









[Ben A.: 5/20/04 01:20]
   
 
Conservation of Spleen

Prolific (and high quality!) posting seem to be the fruits of your newfound serenity, Ben H; but can it be coincidence that your embrace of equanimity coincides with a period in which I feel myself exuding malevolence? As you know, I regard good humor more as a creed to be followed than a nature to be enjoyed. But sometimes, life hands you not just lemons, but rocks spray-painted yellow. And by "life," I mean "those &^%*ers who are trying to screw me." Ben H, please restore your bile to normal levels and return our closed system to equilibrium!

[Ben A.: 5/20/04 00:43]
   
 
Metropolitan Diary Goes Mammary

Probably wouldn't pass muster with
Joe Rogers, but what the heck...

Dear Diary,

One muggy evening recently, I boarded the 4 train for my nightly trek back to Brooklyn. I counted myself lucky to secure a place to sit. I got settled and looked up: directly across from me a woman was breastfeeding her child. Now, Diary, I know that at this point in the twee story, someone on the train makes a witty comment worthy of recording, or the train breaks into applause, or a "nattily dressed elderly gentleman" or "woman of a certain age" does something funny. But, I am sorry to report, nothing of the sort happened. I just gawped at the discomfiting spectacle of this woman breastfeeding her child. On the 4 train. Right in front of my face. And I thought to myself, you know, this really feels like a Metropolitan Diary entry, but at the crucial point its taken an awful wrong turn, and no nattily dressed elderly gentleman or woman of a certain age is going to rescue me from this looming, distended breast and hideous slurping. But then I remembered, Diary, that Joe Rogers and before him the wry Enid Nemy often admitted items without nattily dressed elderly gentlemen or women of a certain age if they consisted of doggerel. So to distract myself, I composed the following:

A woman I saw on the train
Giving suck to her child, it was plain
Than see infantile tipple
Dispensed from a nipple
I'd rather walk home in the rain. [Ben H.: 5/19/04 22:02]
 
 
My White Collar Blushes

I spent Wednesday afternoon waiting at home for tradesmen to visit and make some repairs. Before the sure-handed technical competence of the blue collar thaumaturges I rely on to make my toilets flush, boiler run and such, I feel a little sheepish. I don’t think I squirm out of a typical metropolitan leftist discomfort with people “serving” one. Anyway, the relationship between a plumber and the proud owner of a non-functional toilet does not conform to the supposedly discomfiting master-and-servant dynamic. Try to get a plumber on short notice; he’s nobody’s vassal. No, what’s gets to me is an emasculating sense of incompetence; to be confronted with one’s own helpless idiocy, if only with respect to a very small corner of human experience. But it is not unimportant what corner the ineptitude pertains to: the manipulation of basic physical objects and systems. Self-respect is intimately connected with mastery: mastery of skills, mastery over one’s environment. Sure, I may have achieved a certain degree of mastery over the manipulation of symbols (to borrowing a rare useful Reichianism), but that sort of mastery seems like a mere echo, analogy, of the sort of physical mastery that a plumber exhibits. In the face of this sort of competence, my abstract skills seem feeble and factitious.

Witness: the plumber was coming to take a look at a sink from which no water would flow. I kept trying to open and close the faucets, I rooted around the valves beneath the basin, all pretty much randomly and desultorily. No luck. The plumber shows up, takes one look at it, grabs the nozzle, hardly even looking at it, twists it, and off pops a little doodad. He turns on the tap and a gusher pours forth. An old, dirt-clogged aerator was the culprit (I give the precise diagnosis here, but I couldn’t have told you what an aerator was five minutes earlier). In two seconds, any sense of pride, Master-of-the-Universe self-regard, power evaporated utterly; in its place a palpable feeling of being a mental and physical midget. This plumber was nice enough not to laugh at me.

I’ve had more than my usual share of this sensation since I bought a house. My coping strategy has been to confront the unpleasant chastening head-on, and hang about the working tradesmen asking lots of questions. Despite my poor mechanical skills, by dint of memorization I can manage to learn a decent amount about domestic systems. Reactions have varied sharply: from barely concealed eye-rolling that all but cries out, “why don’t you just leave me to do my work, you yuppie puke, you’re getting in the way”; to slightly defensive reticence, as though the guy feels his ability to command wages for his labor depends on preserving his techniques as a kind of Eleusinian Mystery; to the response I hope for, a gratified surprise that a clearly incompetent customer would care enough to want to learn about this stuff and an eagerness to show his mastery of stuff he clearly still gets excited about. I got a great lecture about the different kind of duct systems in use, advantages and disadvantages of alternative insulation materials, workings of vent cleaning machines. Hoping that guy can recommend a different A/C servicer. Mine seems to have learned his communication style from the Soviet Ministry of HVAC…
[Ben H.: 5/19/04 21:50]
 
 
Let Me Siphon Your Creative Juices

I like my job so much, that I consider it an act of generosity to let you do it for me. As part of my new "board" duties, I need to contribute suggested names for a company. This company owns farms and ranches in Argentina, Uruguay and Brazil, and grows soy, corn, wheat, rice and big, juicy cows. Winner gets a kilo of freshly crushed soy meal, suitable for feeding to housepets, assuming your housepet is a chicken you are trying to fatten.
[Ben H.: 5/19/04 14:47]
 
 
Amazon Toy Reviews

"Uncle Milton's Giant Ant Farm is a fun, interactive way to teach children ages 5 and up about unceasing, backbreaking toil and the cold, inescapable reality of death."

via volokh [Ben A.: 5/19/04 13:26]
   
 
Emerging Market PhunFaxx: Vol 1

Fiocruz poll of Brazilians reveals that 26 million Brazilians have NO TEETH. That's 14.4% of the population.

19.3% of Brazilians are depressed.

4.9% of Brazilians are fucking ingrates who should be happy they have a tooth or two in their head.
[Ben H.: 5/19/04 13:20]
 
 
Beyond Criticism

The hometown papers reacted this morning with outrage to by "9-11 Commissioners" critical of the police and fire department performance. Check out, for example, today's
New York Post front page. Now, let me say I don't disagree that the 9-11 commission has spent more time grandstanding than performing its stated task; and that a few members have conflicts of interest that lead them to try to rewrite history; and that John Lehman is, was, and probably always will be a douchebag tumescent with self-regard. Even so, the enraged reaction to Lehman's comments, which, in fairness, scored the command-and-control system of the NYC police and fire and not the performance of the personnel more generally, is demonstrably unhelpful. That a group of people has sacrificed or bravely faced danger may confer a certain immunity against questioning, say, its members motives or courage, but not tactics or strategy. (Forgive me for always going back to WWI analogies, but we all get to ride our hobbyhorses from time to time, no? It would be churlish and wrong to criticize the famous regiment of Newfoundlanders on the Somme who suffered 85% casualties in the first half-hour of the battle for being ninnies; however, it is eminently fair to ask whether it was intelligent to go over the top hundreds of meters behind one's own front line, get tangled in one's own barbed-wire, and expose the regiment to enemy machine gun fire well before even reaching the front?) And let's face it: NYC police and fire tactics were in many ways ineffective. Command-and-control did break down. No amount of bellowing and chest-beating about "heroes" and "sacrifice" -- indubitable as the heroism and sacrifice referred to may be -- should obscure these shortcomings.

Victor Davis Hanson writes about why western democracies have proven lethal in war against what he terms "slave armies." One of his key points is the importance of "civilian audit." That is, people outside the command structure have access to information and can and do review battle performance after the fact. SOme civilian body ulitmately holds the military to account for its performance -- not simply rewarding success and punishing failure -- but analyzing the roots of success or failure and taking appropriate remedial action.

NYC Police and Fire should face the same sort of "civilian audit." Yes, the 9-11 commission has put in a rather obnoxious performance and may fail to do a great job of "civilian audit." But if the press and the police and fire chief start waving a bloody shirt every time someone makes an attempt at "civilian audit", we'll never get anywhere... [Ben H.: 5/19/04 07:02]
 
 
Who Will Do Anything for Cheap Oil, Again?

Bloomberg among the outlets reporting Kerry's
comments that in contrast to the President, he would cease purchases of crude for the strategic petroleum reserve in order to relieve upward pressure on oil prices. I come down with Bush on this one. This is the strategic reserve, not some countercyclical fund. At the moment, we have not experienced an unexpected disruption to supply or physical shortages. For once, the President is acting consonant with free-market principles; the principles he has traduced on steel, agriculture, etc. The fact is that our strategic stock was undersized relative to political volatility of major oil exporters and the equilibrium level of US imports. Filling it is the right response. I admit that I am sceptical that US strategic stockbuilds have much to do with high crude prices, much less gasoline prices. Forget crude: crack spreads are at $18/bbl last I looked! Somebody whack the NIMBYites upside the head and permit a refinery or two!

Let me clarify: announced strategic stockbuilds. Do you think we could be building a larger-than-disclosed SPR? I always thought this would be a really shrewd move for the US. It's just the fundamental theorem of poker: the optimal behavior is that which makes the other guy play his hand the opposite of how he would play it if he knew your hand. A secret SPR could invite OPEC to overplay its hand disastrously.

Along the same lines, I've had a sneaking suspicion that perhaps China has some sub rosa stock-building going on... but, heck, I'm no expert and the crude analysts I talk to don't seem to buy it.

On a related note, the protocols-of-the-elders-of-crude school of political analysis doesn't pretend to the least consistency. The first gulf war was at the behest of the oil men; it lowered oil prices (after first raising them, but the no-blood-for-oil shit continued untroubled by the reversal of effect). Bush's decision to fill the SPR is at the behest of the oil men; it raises oil prices. Opening ANWR: the oil men again; it lowers prices. I don't deny that the interests of the oil industry (which is not monolithic: E&P players don't share interests of R&M guys, for example; and within each group, delta to crude prices, crack spreads, etc, are not uniform) get a hearing in DC, like any other interest group. But if one chooses to assert that oil is the mainspring of an administration's policy, at least look into the industry carefully enough to have the merest inkling of what is in the industry's interest.
[Ben H.: 5/18/04 17:04]
 
 
Gandhi Turns It Down...

And Indian markets rally (on the rumor last night, confirmed just now). How does that have to make you feel? The markets pass judgment on your worth as a political leader and conclude that you have a worth of negative 15 billion bucks or so!

Since Sonia G. has been much in the news, I'll take the opportunity to relate a somewhat germane story that probably both of you guys have heard, but which our (3? 4?) other readers have not.

Nearly 15 years ago, in my expository writing section there was this guy named Rahul. Despite his Indian name, he didn't really look Indian. His english was also rather poor, though not his kit: he wore a fat Rolex and pretty natty duds. He never volunteered to speak in class and rarely had a coherent answer when asked to contribute to discussion. I had the misfortune of serving as his "edit partner" a few times. The guy could barely put a paragraph together, which led me to wonder how he could have won admission to Harvard. The only useful suggestion he ever made to me was to correct some Italian phrase I had mistranscribed into an essay on, I believe, D.H. Lawrence's "Painted Tombs of Tarquinai" (god, Expos was fucking useless!), from which I learned that he spoke Italian fluently. I left for the summer still puzzled over this Rahul character and convinced he had probably failed Expos.

A few weeks later, my brother and I were lounging in front of the TV at home in Westchester. Tom Brokaw introduced a story on the recent assassination of Indian P.M. Rajiv Gandhi. The story cut to footage of his funeral, which had taken place earlier that day. The guy lighting the pyre looked awfully familiar. "Dude! That guy was in my Expos class!" I cried out. It was none other than Rahul; turned out he was Rahul Gandhi, son of Rajiv and Sonia, grandson of Indira. "I hope he didn't write the eulogy," I told Greg. "He can't write worth shit."

He never did come back to Harvard. Now he is a member of India's Parliament. And I'm a bond monkey. Maybe he made the right choice not coming back...

[Ben H.: 5/18/04 11:56]
 
 
Thomas Pynchon, Call Your Office

It's
transit-of-Venus time! No word from the Times as to whether this transit of Venus involves any dark conspiracies involving killer nuns from Montreal or animatronic ducks. [Ben H.: 5/18/04 06:35]
 
 
Importing Political Talent -- Part II

A little trivia game to celebrate Sonia Gandhi's possible accession to the PMship. Can you think of other world leaders who were born outside the country they came to lead? Most points for those were actually citizens of another country, but any case that broadly fits the pattern is welcome. Non-sabra Israeli PMs don't count, nor mainland-born Taiwanese presidents, nor out-and-out conquerors. I'll kick it off:

1) Janet Jagan - Guyana. Janet was born in Brooklyn, married Indo-Guyanese political figure Jeddi Jagan and later took the presidency of Guyana herself.

2) Gonzalo Sanchez de Lozada - Bolivia. Not sure if he was born in the U.S., but he spent much of his youth here. Mocked in Bolivia for speaking SPanish with an American accent.

3) Valdas Adamkus - Lithuania. Again, not born in the U.S. , but was a naturalized U.S. citizen who worked for the EPA for twenty years before returning to Lithuania

4) Vaire Vike-Freiberg - Latvia. Canadian, I think.

5) Simeon Saxe-Coburg - Bulgaria. He was born there but was exiled at the age of 8 and live in the US and Spain (and married a Spaniard) from that time until shortly before assuming office as Prime Minister a few years ago.

*Update* -- Reader Ms. P. S. comes up with another one:

6) Milan Panic - Yugoslavia. Born there but emigrated to the U.S. and became a U.S. citizen. Went back to serve as Prime Minister in '92-'93, and by special permission of the President of the U.S. was able to retain his U.S. citizenship. I think later on he was indicted for fraud relating to ICN Pharma.



[Ben H.: 5/17/04 18:42]
 
 
Good Humor Me

I have very strong feelings about dessert, as you fellows know, namely what counts as a true dessert and what doesn't. My standards become even more minute and stringent when it comes to birthday cakes. Here at the office, we get a cake for everyone's birthday (made a lot more sense when there were three of us up in NY, a little less with 30), and typically the honoree has input to what sort of cake it is. To my frustration, many have selected confections I consider mere ersatz birthday cakes: cheesecakes, carrot cakes, fruity cakes, stuff like that. Those are not birthday cakes!

But I had a very encouraging experience today. One of our quant guys, a sharp computer scientist who only came over from China for grad school and still speaks with a very thick Beijing accent, celebrated his birthday. As his festive dessert, he selected a chocolate and vanilla ice-cream cake with vanilla icing, ringed on its sides with Waffeleten cookies and topped with an oreo every 30 degrees such that the top looked like a cookie-marked clock face. This, my friends, is a birthday cake. Naturally, I was impressed with his quick grasp of the essentials of the American birthday cake -- preponderance of chocolate and vanilla, uncomplicated sugary flavor, embellishment only with other pure dessert foods. What, I asked, did he usually do for a special birthday food back in China? THe answer was noodles -- the idea being that a long noodle symbolizes long life. That just impressed me more. Look at this I cried to my officemates circling vulterine around the cake. Andy just a few years ago was living in a place where birthday food means noodles, yet he has grasped the essense of the American birthday cake better than you pack of cheesecake-eating, carrot-cake nibbling ninnies! I have Sam Huntington's new book on my desk, but Andy's cake tells me the will to assimilate is alive and well... the problem is with the elites already here!
[Ben H.: 5/17/04 18:14]
 
 
Importing Political Talent?

Local press reporting that Sonia Gandhi will indeed assume the prime ministership of India. You'll recall that Sonia Gandhi is the widow of former P.M. Rajiv Gandhi (and mother of my evanescent Expos classmate Rahul Gandhi), and was born and raised in Italy. Now, it's probably not a bad idea for a country with a fractious and ineffectual political culture to import political talent. My first choice, though, would not be to import it from Italy. The Indian market shares my scepticism -- it dropped nearly 15% overnight. But I say to the Indian punters: don't worry. If Sonia Gandhi is anything like your typical Italian P.M. (leaving Berlusconi aside), she'll last a few months, tops. And if she is like a typical Gandhi... well, let's just say her removal may be more in the nature of a physical than a political reality.*

*Since I do not wish for anything bad to happen to Mrs. Gandhi that would make this speculation look prescient, I am going to say this post counts as wry rather than
splenetic. [Ben H.: 5/17/04 11:48]
 
 
Credit Analysis: It's The Little Things That Make the Difference

Assessing the creditworthiness of sovereigns is principally about the numbers. However, the relationship between sovereign borrower and lender is not fully reducible to a quantitative form. It has its personal aspects: the investor wants to know how far will a particular finance minister go to make sure a debt is paid in trying times, whether the numbers he reports are likely to be distorted, to what extent he can be trusted to carry out his commitments. As such, time spent at conferences where one gets to see policy-makers up close and personal, to mingle with them, pays dividends.

Down in Miami, the finance minister of Uruguay was in attendance. Reflecting on his presentation, a fellow-attendee who had not met the guy before told she took away from it a visceral suspicion of him -- he just looked untrustworthy to the point of sleaziness. Well, I've had some dealings with the guy and he never took any affirmative steps to cheat me, so I couldn't say I was immediately inclined to agree. But then she had a point about his suspicious face; his face -- I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but this face could best be described as a kind of lupine pumpkinhead -- swarthy, covered with five o'clock shadow at 9am, this face indeed is not the kind of face to inspire great confidence. Did I notice, she asked, that he showed up late to his own presentation? Well, yes, that is a little sketchy. He made some excuse about the alarm clock in his hotel room failing, but she noticed that after the dinner the previous night he did not appear on the bus heading back to the hotel, which meant that he had boarded the other bus, headed to some South Beach nightspot. It struck her as entirely possible he had come straight to his presentation from some nightclub, the stink of South Beach floozy still on his clothes. Well, yes, that would be recklessly inappropriate. Did I hear, she asked, his mobile phone go off during his own presentation? Oh, yeah, I did think that was pretty strange; but, be fair, he only looked at the caller ID, he didn't actually answer it… although now that you mention it, even Paul O'Neill would have known to ignore his phone. But the clincher for her, that elusive piece of data that crystallizes one's vague intuitions into an irrefutable conclusion: Did you hear what his ringtone was?, she asked -- Play That Funky Music Whiteboy! Can you really trust a 45 year old man with Play That Funky Music as his ring tone? Sweet Jesus! That's exactly what it was! That's just… wrong! What kind of a skeevy freak goes out of his way to make Play That Funky Music his ring tone? I'm persuaded. That's the kind of ironclad evidence you won't find in a dry SEC filing...
[Ben H.: 5/17/04 06:36]
 
 
Beat Me To The Punch

I had forgotten about the Lovecraft perfume and I was going to add a mention of that this morning. But I suppose I full-fledged add is better than a mere mention!
[Ben H.: 5/17/04 06:07]
 
   
The Bandarlog starts showing ads


[Doug: 5/16/04 20:56]
 
   
Excelsior! You seem to have experienced gyrogony -- to have, as pop psychologists would say, turned a corner. I've had a mentally healthy weekend too, camping in northern Michigan, not thinking about programming at all. More later. [Doug: 5/16/04 20:39]
 
 
Troy, The Shortcomings as Spleneticism as a Philosophy of Living, Fluorescent Cocktails, and Homeric Feminism: Your Correspondent Brings it All Together While Keeping His Blood-Pressure Under Control

Last night, just back from Miami, I had nothing to do and noticed that the Troy had opened down the block at the Cobble Hill Cinemas. As probably the only credentialed ex-classicist in the EM investment world, I have expected that the release of this film will instigate a lot of questions from coworkers and counterparties. What do you think, Ben, about Troy? You're a classicist, right? (In fact, having seen the previews, a few people already asked me what I think about the fact that a film called Troy is being made. So far, my non-committal response has been that it will be slightly more interesting than a film called
Schenectady). I do feel a certain obligation not to disappoint, especially given the meager returns this esoteric knowledge has provided to my probable questioners, which to date has been to assure them that vega, though one of the so-called "Greeks", is not a genuine letter of the Greek alphabet.

I bought myself a ticket and took a seat. I don't have to tell you it was dreadful; and you don't need to have studied Homeric Greek under the sadistic tutelage of the late Emily D.T. Vermeule (I would append here: may the old bag rot in hell; but for reasons which will shortly become clear, instead: may she rest in peace) to quickly realize that the movie owes a greater debt to the classicism of Xena: Warrior Princess than to that of Homer or his many high-cultural re-interpreters.

Now, I have a nagging suspicion that many of the people who will soon ask me what I qua classicist thought of it don't really give a fig about that, but rather are more interested to be entertained by how I qua spelentic person will decry it in the red-faced, indigant rant they’re sure the question will provoke. Do not doubt for a minute that I could unleash an acidulous screed of considerable length about this movie's howlers, its woeful distortion of the plot facts and animating spirit of the source material, its embarassing flights of overacting, &c, &c. But as I prepared to do that, I felt thick Ate seizing hold of my phrenes (to stick with the classical theme), and mindful of the consequences, I stopped. I'll have something to say about this movie in a second, but it won't be a screed. I have decided to make a genuine effort to be less splenetic; or at least, to make sure not make Baroque Speleneticism my philosophy of life. Let me explain, and then back to Troy.

Down in Miami, I had a moment of what my fellow-classicists would call anagnoresis; touchy-feely types might call it a "moment of clarity." Friday, after the conference was over, I went over to Miami Beach to have dinner at what turned out to be a very self-consciously trendy restaurant (with the obligatory hip one-word name, in this case "Wish") amid the already high level of ambient hipsterism of Miami Beach. Part of the schtick of this restaurant is to serve "glowing" cocktails. They plunge into a colorful drink a plastic faux-icecube with some sort of engine of phosphorescence inside. The dictates of Baroque Spleneticism practically command one to launch into a tirade against such a thing: the pointless exoticism, the use of food and drink as a signifier rather than for gustatory pleasure. There's something just so gallingly feast-of-Trimalchio about a glowing cocktail, something that sets my mind bubbling with thoughts about the ceaseless quest for empty novelty, Bobo decadence, &c. My brain is humming with this line of thinking, and I can feel my spleen going from Bruce Banner-spleen to Incredible Hunk-spleen, and then: anagnoresis. I hear, in my head, these thoughts taking voice, and I realize that while it may turn out to have a few grains of truth, while it may be funny to the person across the table, to me it is not fake, posing-indignant but rather real-indignant, and if I start talking it is not going to make me less upset, but rather more upset. While it may get a laugh or two, or score a point or two, these particular laughs or points will come at the expense of my mental health. I look around and I see that it is a lovely, warm evening near the water in Miami, and the setting is quite congenial, and the company is good, and the food looks like it is going to be good (for the offer and explanation of glowing cocktails preceded any actual eating, and the inchoate screed certainly would have been fully cooked well before the food). There’s no reason to look past these little blessings, to negate the dulcifying effect of nice surroundings and fellowship and food, because of the real or alleged symbolic or psychosocial significance of a phosphorescent cocktail. Enough, already. The world will never fail to provide sufficient material for diatribes, but that’s not the siginificance of the world; and spleen can be fun and certainly an integral part of how I respond to the world, but if amidst a really enjoyable night out, slightly obnoxious tippling technology can set it off, it has ceased to be a facet of a personality, but has rather become a guiding philosophy.

OK. Troy. To repeat: a bad movie by the lights of a classicist, a bad movie period. But the cultural grave-robbery, the silly distortions, hammy overacting – all this I will refer to only by way of preterition. Instead, let me explain in a phlegmatic way how I found one particular and prominent deviation from the source material as revealing of modern sensibilities. The film gives a very prominent role to Briseis. In the Iliad, she is referred to in Book I and IX (maybe in one two other places), but only shows up for a brief moment in XXIV, lying in bed next to Achilles, after she has been restored to him. Recall that she has been awarded to Achilles as plunder, but Agammemnon takes her for himself after he is forced to relinquish his prize, and this precipitates Achilles’ refusal to fight. So, yes, this Briseis has a certain importance, but not really so much as a character as a chattel. Agammemnon could have taken some armor or, if Homer had been more like Edith Wharton, a particularly nice pickle-dish, and the story would be largely unchanged. The film turns her into a captured Trojan hieratic princess, who becomes Achilles’ great love, over whose mistreatment he can show his chivalrous side. She gets a few meaty soliloquies about the horrors of war and a few debates with Achilles about why he dedicates himself to war and killing. Things get even weirder at the end: Achilles runs through a falling Troy looking for Briseis (who has been allowed to return there) and finds her just having stabbed and killed Agammemnon; he goes to rescue her from Agammemnon’s guard, and a lurking Paris lets fly the lethal arrow. As he dies, he comforts Briseis, telling her, “you have brought me peace.” Call it Homeric feminism or feminist Homericism. Modern writers are so steeped in “alternative history” – that is, history from the point of view of the overlooked – that it must seem natural to them to bring a “marginalized” perspective to the center of the narrative. You can’t have a movie – even of the 3000 year-old epic of a patriarchal society -- without a central female character. The filmakers also embrace a facile equation of the female perspective with a pacifistic one. That’s not a case the ancients themselves were unwilling to make. But when Aristophanes styles the women of Greece going on a sex strike to get the men to stop warring (in Lysistrata), it’s a bit of japery. For the makers of Troy The Movie, there’s an earnest stuggle between the bloodthirsty militarism of Achilles – what psychobabblers would call “his demons” – and the allegedly redemptive influence of the irenic feminine priestess. It’s a moral anachronism. And I think it is enormously revealing about modern, western attitudes towards war and warmaking, that the even the ur-text of guts-and-glory martial epic can’t get remade without a vigorous nod to the idea of the “folly” of war.
[Ben H.: 5/16/04 15:27]
 
 
Timing Is Everything

You'll have to lend me the Wodehouse-does-Lovecraft book! I own I feel a bit cheated though. One submission from my abortive attempt to join the Lampoon all those years ago was "Lovecraft: The Providence Journal-Bulletin Internship." Lovecraft tried his hand at writing the weather report, a restaurant review, and one or two other things. Let's just say: it did not get the local equivalent of a five-star rating; which probably had something to do with the execution, but I'll just keep telling myself I was too far ahead of my time. Going to see if I can dig it up (may be on my still-functional Mac SE/30) and you guys can decide... Incidentally, I guess I flattered myself to believe that only my book collection contained the Complete Works of H.P. Lovecraft and the all the complete Blandings Castle novels. Truly there is nothing new under the sun.
[Ben H.: 5/16/04 10:30]
 
 
Various

If that sounds like high school to you, Ben H, I can only assume you spent your time trying to precipitate cafeteria shootings. The best (true) gloss on high school I heard was from my math teacher: "whenever you walk into a room and hear laughter, you assume it is at you."

Two links.

This must explain rare Doug scrabble losses. While a Woodehouse-inspired re-write of "The Case of Charles Dexter Ward" as "The Rummy Affair of Young Charlie" looks sublime. If it's any good, I'll pass it on.





[Ben A.: 5/16/04 04:40]
   
 
High School Part Two

Spend a few years in the emerging markets investing world and you will know everybody in it. Conferences remind me of high school -- the cliques, petty rivalries, remembered insults, and all. One such conference is what brought me to Miami. The dinner speaker last night was Michael Mussa, the very controversial former chief economist of the IMF. At a prior conference, in Argentina, Mussa gave a slightly tipsy post-prandial lecture about the Argentine crisis, which he laid at the feet of the feckless and incompetent Argentine political class; much of which was in attendance, this being a conference for local investors. The insult achieved greater piquancy from the giggling, smirking way he delivered his comments, not to mention his frequent, probably deliberate mispronunciation of "Bariloche" (where the conference took place). The next morning, the Argentine Finance Secretary, Guillermo Nielsen, a very proud and prickly fellow (redundant, I know; he's Argentine!), gave his talk. At the end of it, he said that he wanted the floor for another minute to respond to the "outrageous" comments of Mussa from the night before. He wound up with a suggestion that Mussa should apologize to all the Argentines in attendance for making light of their deadly serious situation; and that he would beg to remind the eminent professor that this city's name was pronounced "Bar-ee-lo-chay" not "Barloochi".

Last night in Miami, we had Michael Mussa to look forward to as speaker. At the pre-dinner reception, I went up to Mussa (who, given that EM is like High School, I've met many times) and in chatting with him mentioned that the last dinner speech I saw him give was in August '02 in Bariloche. "Boy, you really gave it to those Argies," I told him. "I loved it." He was eating it up. "You really got Guillermo Nielsen riled up, didn't you." I pointed out to him that Nielsen was again in attendance, over at the bar. We talked for a while about the shortcomings of the Argentine government and their halting efforts at debt restructuring (of which Nielsen is in charge), to the point that Mussa himself was getting into a something of a lather about their alleged policy errors.

At dinner, I made sure to grab a seat near Guillermo Nielsen (along the EM / high school analogy, we're sort of in the same Social Studies class). "Guillermo," I said, "did you see who's giving the speech tonight? Mike Mussa. Why, I remember we were both at a conference where he gave quite an obnoxious performance. You gave him quite an earful, though, the next morning. Judging from how much wine he had before the speech, I'm not sure he remembered saying everything you criticized him for." Nielsen broke into a broad smile and related to the other curious folks at the table how he had, "slammed him, but it was a polite slam," and related Mussa's unpardonable mispronunciation of Bariloche.

Both fuses lit, I had only to sit back and wait for the explosion. But alas, despite my well-planned Iago-like instigations, the dust-up was not to be. Nielsen claimed to be tired from his journey from B.A. and excused himself before Mussa's speech. Such a shame! For Mussa, in reviewing the prospects for debt crises in various EM countries, turned last to Argentina. "We needn't worry about Argentina. After nearly three years, they haven't managed to fix up the mess from their last debt crisis, so it is fair to say that they haven't even managed to reach a level of progress where a debt crisis would be something they have to worry about."

[Ben H.: 5/14/04 19:13]
 
 
Communism Wins Cold War By Bunting the Runner Over

Also, Kruschev hits
in the clutch. [Ben A.: 5/12/04 12:32]
   
 
A More Jamesian Discussion of Iraq?

I break my own rules here, but perhaps if I pass
this on without comment I remain within the spirit of the law... [Ben A.: 5/12/04 11:08]
   
 
Bill James, Culture Hero

I bought
"Moneyball" perhaps 21 hours ago, and rapidly consumed it. It’s Lewis’ best that I’ve read, and his most self-aware. He knows that Billy Beane, the A’s GM, isn’t an intellectual revolutionary, but rather has excelled at converting the Jamesian revolution into practice.

And who doesn’t love Bill James? As Lewis says, to knowledgeable fans, the Jamesian analysis is just the truth. Of course on base percentage is the master offensive statistic, of course strike-outs per inning predicts pitcher longevity, of course you shouldn’t draft high school pitchers high, and for the slightly better informed, of course (the exquisitely named) Voros McCracken has revolutionized pitcher evaluation. This is why I avoided Moneyball for so long: I’m an old Jamesian.

But it was wonderful to see "Moneyball" giving the man his due. James is a true culture hero, a voice of reason and decency, and a person of immense, although subtle, intellectual influence. Say "Bill James" in any (nerdy, bookish) crowd, and you'll hear the same story. For a serious baseball fans who encounters James as an adolescent, it's a conversion experience, a demolition of ingrained blather. One sees that half of what baseball ‘insiders’ say is false, and a remaining quarter completely unsupported by evidence. At the same time you have this guy James -- this witty, insightful fellow -- who armed with nothing more than his brain, illuminates things that you had watched thousand times, and lets you see them anew.

Almost every Jamesian has a story of winning real money -- via a bet, or a fantasy league -- by the opposing the most rudimentary Jamesian analysis against entrenched ignorance. In my case, I took a steak dinner off a partner in my consulting firm by predicting that a pitcher who averaged a strikeout an inning over his career would have a good season. You might think that this would be a hard bet to cover at even odds. Certainly it should have been, given that the pitcher in question was Roger Clemens, then three-time Cy Young award winner, and almost certainly the greatest pitcher of his generation. But the poisonous Boston press had decided that Clemens was lazy, finished – and this despite his having finished in the top five for ERA twice in the previous three years. And these jackals generated such a thick miasma that even an educated man, a partner in a consulting firm, and allegedly, an empiricist, was willing to make a total sucker bet.

There’s a message in this. That anecdotal evidence kills, that people don’t know what they don’t know, that conventional wisdom can become radically unmoored from fact, and that you can, just by being careful, subject your preconceptions to empirical testing.

Well, I don’t want to raise the Iraq issue again. But amidst the horror over the Abu Ghraib disaster, I will simply note that our perceptions of facts on the ground in Iraq seems to fit the model of “Joe Morgan knowledge” (anecdotes, inside report, a filtering of information through ‘brokers’) than it does James knowledge.
[Ben A.: 5/12/04 10:27]
   
 
Golf

How I despse it! It's one of the redoubts of "hale fellow well met" capitalism, which I also despise. Economically inefficient fluffery, alas, seems to be essential to business success.
[Ben A.: 5/12/04 09:12]
   
 
Ben H, you are of course right. I dropped a negation in my post below ("by all mean repeal" was meant as "by all means *don't* repeal). How embarassing!

My point was exactly yours, in fact. The rich (like Buffett and Gates) simply don't pay inheritance taxes. The dispatch their flying monkeys, and vast fortunes get squirreled away into foundations, and other tax-proof instruments.

(I've changed the post below)
[Ben A.: 5/12/04 09:09]
   
 
Off to Latin America

Miami, specifically. I consider it a Latin American city, anyway, just one where I can drink the water without spending the next week commuting hourly to the bathroom. I'm attending a conference, held at a golf resort. I don't play golf. Can I dream that one day, one of these boondoggles takes place at, say, Tanglewood?

Warren and Bill

Ben, I think Buffet and Gates have come out against the reduction of the estate tax. Their opposition, though, reeks of hyprocrisy, since, as you note, both have deployed sophisticated legal strategies, not readily available to the average American, to shelter their fortunes from this tax. In this respect, their behavior is not unlike Heinz's: pushing in an ostensibly unself-interested way for higher taxes, but arranging one's affairs such that the tax hikes would have little or no impact on oneself. But I agree with your prescription, Ben. Sure, let's keep the estate tax, so long as Warren and Bill give to the government (not to their favorite pet causes -- that may be "charitable" but returns more utility to the giver than tax payments do to a taxpayer) a legacy interest in 55% of their property.

Another Thought: A Model of Why the Extremely Wealthy Might Selfishly Support Higher Taxes, Even If They Actually Have to Pay Them

Let's say you have an amount of money you can't hope to spend on personal consumption. What desires remain outside of your reach? Even if you are a billionaire, you probably don't have enough money to reshape society. Only through society-wide coercion -- both in the collection of resources and the deployment of resources -- can you accomplish this. So, unable to buy "clean air" or "first-rate infrastructure" or such stuff, but with way more money than you could possibly spend on purchasable goods, you sacrifice some of that extra money to empower the one agent who can provide these goods: the government.
[Ben H.: 5/12/04 08:06]
 
 
And Don't Get Me Started on Warren Buffett...

Sorry, but I can't afford the fleet of lawyers to divert my vast wealth into charitable foundations. Nor is my wish for posterity to further gimcrack causes like Zero Population Growth. So fine, Mr. Gates, Mr. Buffett, let's by all means keep the estate tax if you will donate 50% of your net worth to the government *right now*.

[Ben A.: 5/11/04 19:01]
   
 
The Wealthiest Among Us Must Pay Their Fair Share

Point taken. Let's start with the with the aspiring First Lady. Teresa Heinz-Kerry at last relented and release selected portions of her tax return. On an adjusted gross income of $5.2mm, she paid federal tax of $587k. That's a rate of just over 11.25%. Note that the AGI is income after deductions. More than likely, Teresa's actual income came in well above that number. We'll have to wait for her fully 1040 to be released to know for sure. 40% marginal tax rates? Oh, that's for the other wealthiest among us; you know, the crude, grasping ones trying to build a fortune from the sweat of their labor, not from marrying a rich guy with bad luck in flying. Maybe we should give her a break though -- she has to tend to all her environmental causes and tend to her fleet of SUV's, not a cheap proposition!
[Ben H.: 5/11/04 18:01]
 
 
Khan!

I wonder if
this analysis will be done on Wilt Chamberlain in 1000 years. [Ben A.: 5/11/04 17:44]
   
 
Monkeyshines

I second that. I can almost hear him gibbering. Oh, wait, that's the trader sitting next to me...
[Ben H.: 5/11/04 16:43]
 
 
Classing up the Joint

I am loving the monkey, Doug!
[Ben A.: 5/11/04 16:34]
   
 
Uh, Could I Just Get the Frilly Underwear Treatment?

In re: prisoner abuse: the Arab loony fringe
shows us how it's done. This poor fellow may now look like the star of a Washington Irving story, but, hey, at least he wasn't humiliated. [Ben H.: 5/11/04 16:24]
 
 
Funny stuff.

Addendum: The tabular form really boosts humor. Why is this? [Ben A.: 5/11/04 13:13]
   
 
The Game of Life

I have generally expressed scepticism about the claim that college sports catalyze donations. Apparently, though, when it comes to UConn, the hoops-mad alums
prove me wrong. Of course, not every school can win the NCAA national championship, and for the University of South Dakota at Podunk, that hydrotherapy center built to attract more recruited athletes probably doesn't pay for itself. [Ben H.: 5/11/04 10:45]
 
 
Ritualized Debate

Ben A. is right that we know our respective stands on Iraq well enough to obviate the need to individually expatiate on Abu Ghraib abuses. I'm reminded of an interview Bill Gates once gave where he talked about negotiating with IBM over licensing MS-DOS. He said that every time he went to visit the starched IBM exec in charge of the project, the guy would dilate on the same subjects, some business-related, some not. And Gates said that he was dying to yell at the guy: look, let's number each of these conversations, so that when you feel the urge to do the golf talk, just say "1"; if it's the kids, just say "2", etc. It would save so much time. Hypertext has made Gates' dream a reality, at least in so far as repetitive weblog conversations. So for the record, gentlement,
"1".

I do have one new suggestion, sort of a way to make amends. As these prisoners have undergone the ritual hazing (in some cases a bit milder, in others a bit harsher), we ought to award them the corresponding frat membership: everybody who went through Abu Ghraib is hereby declared a brother of Alpha-Eta-Pi!

And to expand for a second on my take on this Greatest Generation claptrap: I detect a similar note of self-congratulation in a lot of professions of abject shock, profound regret, and measureless sorrow over Ab Ghraib. Repentent rightists, don't break your arms patting yourselves on the back. No country comes out of war with its moral ledger unblotted. If the shame (and I don't deny that some of it is shameful* and its perpetrators deserve harsh punishment) of this kind of behavior is too much for you to bear, you had no business supporting the war. Which is just to say that war has moral costs just as inevitable as financial costs, and both kinds must be borne. I think many of the repentent rightists have found the Abu Ghraib hairshirt an inexpensive way to restore their own sense of refined humanitarianism, after seeing it sullied by their association with what they should have always known would be a messy (physically and morally) undertaking. See Andrew Sullivan, for example.

* So, to be clear, I denounce most of this behavior. But i don't feel the need to do it in an ostentatious way, or to prove my sincerity with a lot of preeningly displayed self-doubt or doubt about the ultimate wisdom of the undertaking or fishy revisionism about where I stood at the outset. [Ben H.: 5/11/04 07:53]
 
   
(Rudimentary) Metadata Page Online

See upper left corner.
John and Belle win a place on the link list with their correct answers on Iraq and brownies respectively. Guys, let me know what else you'd like to add ... [Doug: 5/10/04 23:04]
 
     
 
The Office of Special Prologomenas

Doug, I owe you more than I can provide (now, or perhaps ever) on that topic. I suppose I would agree with your assessment: Kant asks the right questions, and advances (or so I believe) the appropriate *strategies* to answer them. I concede the tactical implementation often goes horribly awry. But we must stay the course with transcendental idealism! If you're not with Kant, you're with the empiricists. We need to smoke Quine out of his cave, and bring him to justice.
[Ben A.: 5/10/04 19:21]
   
 
Bay Area Aestheticism

I just returned from a bachelor party of one of my high school friends. He's a lovely guy, immensely kind and upright beneath a blunt exterior, and very much in competition with me for the "unclubbable king nerd" title during our freshman and sophmore years. While we both emerged from that shell, he has vaulted into the stratosphere of Bobo aestheticism.

A single anecdote will demonstrate this. This bachelor party was very NoCal: outdoorsy, sea kayaking, camping. Nonetheless, he and his brother brought along no fewer than 12 dozen gourmet, ice-packed oysters, and the olive oil, garlic and chopped parsley (!) needed to garnish them after grilling. (I think we also had genologies for these oysters -- it was that kind of thing).

Like many aspects of Boboism, it delivered the goods: Grilled oysters are darn tasty. But if hicks had emerged from the woods and skinned us alive, I couldn't have blamed them.
[Ben A.: 5/10/04 19:15]
   
 
I have read enough Paul Fussell to resist the sanitized version of World War II that Tom Brokaw peddles. And yet, I confess myself really shocked by what we're hearing out of Abu Ghraib. Call me naive, foolish, insufficiently responsive to the Milgram/Zimbardo realities of human nature, but I did not expect Americans to behave this way. It depresses me so much I find it hard to read the paper.

As you both know, I don't seen anyway out but through here. I view the situation as eminently, obviously, salvagable, but I am losing confidence that this administation has the wherewithal to deliver. But why revisit that debate: we all know where each other stands. Instead of doing that let me pass on a ray of sunshine. Forgot where I found this...
[Ben A.: 5/10/04 18:43]
   
 
The "Greatest" Generation

I, too, found the "greatest generation" collective hagiography meretricious. Biography of entire age cohorts seem rather dubious (except for the Baby Boomers: they are indeed insufferable and have well earned any condemnation that generalization-mongering authors bring down upon their heads). I detected in the Brokaw piffle and the rest of its breed a certain self-congratulation as an overtone to the main drone of praise for the subjects. Sort of: look at me, I'm not some ungrateful baby boomer; in recognizing that these feeble, increasingly needy geezers who bore us are not merely an impediment to our golfing and vacationing, I show my nobility.
[Ben H.: 5/10/04 10:02]
 
   
Confession

You know how most of the pre-Socratic philosophers' writings were lost over the centuries, and we only have a few passages to go on? I confess to wishing the same had happened to Kant, that all we had left was the
Prolegomena, and maybe the Groundwork. I have written extensively on Kant -- for three years, my computer monitor sat atop my copy of the Critique of Pure Reason. Moreover, I have read several works of the master with some care. My judgment: His heart's in the right place. The things he wants to do (save morality from nihilism, reason from skepticism, and human freedom from scientific determinism) are the right things (the difficult things you have to work out if you are reflective and want to have any confidence in your own life's value). And Kant is right that the endless partisan bickering -- rationalist vs. empiricist, realist vs. idealist -- must be transcended in order to do these things. And many of Kant's core thoughts on how to go about transcending them are probably right (e.g., his claim in the Prolegomena (not to mention the Critique, which I never do if I can avoid it) that we know mathematical truths a priori but not analytically, is right despite having been derided for a hundred years, and Kant is right too that this is important). Aber. When Kant tries to work out his core thoughts in detail, he gets hopelessly and infamously tangled. In my experience, half of the tangles end up being tautologies, a quarter end up being self-contradictory, and the rest were said much more clearly in the Prolegomena.

I bring this up because I started reading, on Ben A's suggestion, a book called "Kant's Theory of Freedom", which treats a problem I've been worrying about for a long time. It ought to be interesting, but after a couple pages this afternoon I was asleep, for two hours. Ben, you may just have to give me the gist of this book.

Second Confession

To another remnant of my grad school days, Heidegger's Being And Time, I did not even give the honor of propping up my monitor. I gave it away, to Dao's cousin apparently, before moving to France. I know this because the cousin recently reported what he did with the book: he used it in some art project that involved sticking it with nails. This was the happiest news I'd had in weeks. [Doug: 5/9/04 23:44]
 
   
Erratum

Billy Collins is no longer Poet Laureate; as of last August it's
Louise Glück. I read a few poems at that page. They're fine, not at all "luminous" or precious, and actually a lot of them read like very clear prose with extra line breaks. I still like Billy Collins better. (Here's a good one.)

You may have noticed that I am more at peace with poetry than my first recent post on the subject indicated. I am. What I still can't stand is "luminous prose". (No need to repeat the screed, of course.) Every frigging Sunday the Book Review heralds a new bunch of "luminous novels". It can't be healthy to be around books that luminesce. I'll vote for any candidate who promises to have the E.P.A. bury all luminous novels deep in a Nevada mountain and lock up their authors. Save the luminescence for your watch dial.
[Doug: 5/9/04 21:54]
 
   
Intra-Cultural (but Cross-Century) Confusion

Ben, you're being facetious again, but there is a U.S. television-inspired mania behind this whole Iraq debacle. I mean the wave of World War II nostalgia that was just breaking around the time of the invasion. I'm afraid that future (and maybe even present) histories of this debacle will omit this important cause. There was a feeling abroad in the land (transmitted on waves of
500 KHz to 800 MHz) that there was something especially worthy of emulation in the American veterans of 1941-45. There was, everyone felt, something laudably mature about getting on boats to go fight Fascists, something that contrasted sharply with the juvenile self-indulgence of the 1990's. Saving Private Ryan and Band of Brothers stirred up and profited from this feeling. Of course, our new-found respect for the vets' "maturity" was thoroughly juvenile. We equated their maturity with their ability to recognize bad people and then go off and stomp them. And hey, what do you know -- we found we were capable of that, too! Who knew being an adult was so easy?

World War II nostalgia was, then, an important cause of the Iraq debacle, but what brought on this wave of nostalgia itself? Hard to say -- and maybe even, like the reason for this season's skirt lengths and tie designs, impossible to say. Two villains stand out, though: Tom Hanks and Tom Brokaw. The second particularly disgusts me; Hanks had a one-off movie to promote, but Brokaw had a longer-term financial interest in stirring up adulation of World War II vets. It's no secret that the people who watch the evening news are old; check out how many denture and adult diaper commercial are on the networks at 6:30 pm. What better way to capture these viewers' loyalty than by flattering them with this "Greatest Generation" stuff? No, I've never read Brokaw's book; it might be great; and there are countless veterans out there who do deserve the utmost respect. I'm just saying that the general cultural mood allowed nothing to temper all this hero worship; nobody reissued "Catch-22" to counter "Private Ryan", the way they've now revived "Life of Brian" to counter "The Passion of the Christ". Too bad. It might have saved many lives, not to mention our country's honor. I thought the worst thing that could come of the "greatest generation" hoopla was an ugly blot on the Mall in Washington D.C.. I was wrong. [Doug: 5/9/04 19:28]
 
 
Cross-cultural Confusion

I think I know what went wrong in Abu Ghraib prison. The guards, TV-weaned Americans, thought they were doing the inmates a favor. Isn't it the highest aspiration of most American TV viewers to be plucked from obscurity in order to be humiliated on a national broadcast? The hooded, wired guy on the box is probably due to receive a job offer from Donald Trump...
[Ben H.: 5/8/04 12:49]
 
   
NYC's Best Club For Mayflower Scions

This week's highlight was a white-tie Wednesday evening at the New York Waltz Society, care of our (other absurdly generous) brother-in-law Tom. But I'm too mentally exhausted, here at the end of the week, to find much to say about it. And Dao seems reluctant to send me our digital photos, lest I post them with sarcastic captions. Really, though, I feel no sarcastic urges toward the Society at all! On the contrary, it's enjoyable now and then to dress up and play aristocrat and whirl around in one's tails and so on. And everyone we talked to there was lovely. What's not to like? Well, Dao is afraid I'll make mean ethnic stereotypes. It's true, I do smile at the membership's anachronistic homogeneity. But it's not out of mockery or meanness; it's out of a mirthful wonder at this city and its people. I think it's cool that New York has these remnants of Mayflower aristrocracy. I'm glad that their dissolution into the mass of other rich Americans (the "Bobos in Paradise" thesis*) is not yet complete.

In short, I think I can say without a shadow of mean-spiritedness, without the slightest feeling of saying behind someone's back what I would not say to his face, that "Win Sheffield, Jr." is a funny name. And Win is a wonderful guy whom I hope to see again. Moreover, "Curry" Ford is a funny name (we met him at an earlier waltz). I didn't remember many other names from this evening, lest Dao accuse of me of trolling for blog-fodder. There was this really funny ex-colonel named "Chester" and another man (nick-)named "Lorrie" whom I had to ask to repeat his name two or three times before he explained that it was short for "Lawrence". There was a man who looked exactly like Donald Rumsfeld. (In addition to the seven or eight men who looked vaguely like him.) Another thing I recall: I got into this conversation with someone about the revolutionary war, and it was funny how he used the word "we" when describing the battles. "Yes, we had set up camp near Red Hook, but we managed to sail before the British could cut us off." It sounded perfectly natural.

*The big problem with David Brooks' book was, incidentally, the asterisk in the title, which was needed to explain "Bobos" ("Bourgeois bohemians"). Never put an asterisk in your title. It's worse than a colon. This may also have kept "bobo" from catching on as a slang successor to "yuppie". Oddly enough, it has caught on in France. Dao even says Le Monde is planning to have a regular feature with "bobo" in the title.
[Doug: 5/7/04 21:46]
 
 
Chavez Watch

WHen I was down in Crapracas last week, our group met with the mayor of Chacao (one of the municipios of Caracas), Leopoldo Lopez. He was one of the very few Venezuelan officials that I have found impressive. He's young, energetic, engaging, and full of ideas; he has gathered around him a group of equally impressive, overseas-educated Venezuelans, who have made Chacao the only part of Caracas that has anything to recommend it. Lopez is one of the central figures of Primera Justicia, a new party which has spearheaded the anti-Chavez referendum drive. On the day we met with him, another opposition mayor had been murdered under suspicious circumstances. Lopez predicted that the government would try by some subterfuge to prevent him from winning the mayoralty in the upcoming elections, in spite of the overwhelming support his administration enjoys.

In today's
El Nacional, I read that the local equivalent of the Attorney General (who makes Janet Reno look like a model of non-partisan probity) has charged Lopez with "rebellion" and "conspiracy." His actual crime: speaking at an Plaza Altamira opposition rally in 2002 (!) at which some other speakers suggested that the military refuse to obey Chavez. Among the broad array of participants in the anti-Chavez drive, Leopoldo Lopez and Primera Justicia have without a doubt the strongest commitment to the rule of law, constitutionalism, and a peaceful transition.

You think Senator Commandante Chris Dodd has anything to say about this to his buddy, Hugo? [Ben H.: 5/7/04 07:24]
 
 
More Poetry

Clive James (1939- )


The Book of my Enemy Has Been Remaindered


The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am pleased.
In vast quantities it has been remaindered
Like a van-load of counterfeit that has been seized
And sits in piles in a police warehouse,
My enemy's much-prized effort sits in piles
In the kind of bookshop where remaindering occurs.
Great, square stacks of rejected books and, between them, aisles
One passes down reflecting on life's vanities,
Pausing to remember all those thoughtful reviews
Lavished to no avail upon one's enemy's book --
For behold, here is that book
Among these ranks and banks of duds,
These ponderous and seeminly irreducible cairns
Of complete stiffs.


The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I rejoice.
It has gone with bowed head like a defeated legion
Beneath the yoke.
What avail him now his awards and prizes,
The praise expended upon his meticulous technique,
His individual new voice?
Knocked into the middle of next week
His brainchild now consorts with the bad buys
The sinker, clinkers, dogs and dregs,
The Edsels of the world of moveable type,
The bummers that no amount of hype could shift,
The unbudgeable turkeys.


Yea, his slim volume with its understated wrapper
Bathes in the blare of the brightly jacketed Hitler's War Machine,
His unmistakably individual new voice
Shares the same scrapyart with a forlorn skyscraper
Of The Kung-Fu Cookbook,
His honesty, proclaimed by himself and believed by others,
His renowned abhorrence of all posturing and pretense,
Is there with Pertwee's Promenades and Pierrots--
One Hundred Years of Seaside Entertainment,
And (oh, this above all) his sensibility,
His sensibility and its hair-like filaments,
His delicate, quivering sensibility is now as one
With Barbara Windsor's Book of Boobs,
A volume graced by the descriptive rubric
"My boobs will give everyone hours of fun".


Soon now a book of mine could be remaindered also,
Though not to the monumental extent
In which the chastisement of remaindering has been meted out
To the book of my enemy,
Since in the case of my own book it will be due
To a miscalculated print run, a marketing error--
Nothing to do with merit.
But just supposing that such an event should hold
Some slight element of sadness, it will be offset
By the memory of this sweet moment.
Chill the champagne and polish the crystal goblets!
The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am glad.

Brought to my attention
here

[Ben A.: 5/6/04 20:35]
   
     
   
Poetry Schools

Here's a poem about poetry (workshops). I know they tend to be awful; all self-referential artistic endeavors tend to be awful. But there are plenty of exceptions -- Proust's book,
Adaptation, Dave Egger's first big novel, etc.

This will also test whether the Poet Laureate has Federal marshals out enforcing his copyrights.

"Workshop"
by Billy Collins (US Poet Laureate)

I might as well begin by saying how much I like the title.
It gets me right away because I'm in a workshop now
so immediately the poem has my attention,
like the ancient mariner grabbing me by the sleeve.

And I like the first couple of stanzas,
the way they establish this mode of self-pointing
that runs through the whole poem
and tells us that words are food thrown down
on the ground for other words to eat.
I can almost taste the tail of the snake
in its own mouth,
if you know what I mean.

But what I'm not sure about is the voice
which sounds in places very casual, very blue jeans,
but other times seems standoffish,
professorial in the worst sense of the word
like the poem is blowing pipe smoke in my face.
But maybe that's just what it wants to do.

What I did find engaging were the middle stanzas,
especially the fourth one.
I like the image of clouds flying like lozenges
which gives me a very clear picture.
And I really like how this drawbridge operator
just appears out of the blue
with his feet up on the iron railing
and his fishing pole jigging -- I like jigging --
a hook in the slow industrial canal below.
I love slow industrial canal below. All those l's.

Maybe it's just me,
but the next stanza is where I start to have a problem.
I mean how can the evening bump into the stars?
And what's an obbligato of snow?
Also, I roam the decaffeinated streets.
At that point I'm lost. I need help.

The other thing that throws me off,
and maybe this is just me,
is the way the scene keeps shifting around.
First, we're in this big aerodrome
and the speaker is inspecting this row of dirigibles,
which makes me think this could be a dream.
Then he takes us into his garden,
the part with the dahlias and the coiling hose,
but then I am not sure where we're supposed to be.
The rain and the mint green light,
that makes it feel outdoors, but what about this wallpaper?
Or is it a kind of indoor cemetery?
There's something about death going on here.

In fact, I start to wonder if what we have here
is really two poems, or three, or four,
or possibly none.

But then there's that last stanza, my favorite.
This is where the poem wins me back,
especially the lines spoken in the voice of the mouse.
I mean we've all seen these images in cartoons before,
but I still love the details he uses
when he describes where he lives.
The perfect little arch of an entrance in the baseboard,
the bed made out of a curled-back can,
the spool of thread for a table.
I start thinking about how hard the mouse had to work
night after night collecting all these things
while the people in the house were fast asleep,
and that gives me a very strong feeling,
a very powerful sense of something.
But I don't know if anyone else was feeling that.
Maybe that was just me.
Maybe that's just the way I read it.

[Doug: 5/6/04 17:28]
 
   
ABC Carpeting

Has "ITYS" become chat room shorthand for "I told you so" yet?
[Doug: 5/6/04 17:20]
 
 
Bestism: Don't Be Fooled

My one concession to New York-style bestism: i bought my carpet at gouge-emporium ABC Home. Yes, they are very overpriced, but they do the carpeting for all the famous people. If they do it for celebrities it has to be good, right? I mean, the store gets mentions on
Page Six, how could it fail to be the best carpet dealer in the city?

I waited home today for the carpet installers from ABC to show up. They came and began to beaver away. I holed up on the top floor to work. After a few hours, I went downstairs to get something to drink. At that very moment, the crew was preparing to start laying carpet on the stairway. Brown carpet. Which I had never seen before. Luckily, I yelped before they began cutting. They had brought the wrong carpet. Guess what I get to do this Saturday? [Ben H.: 5/6/04 16:51]
 
 
Poetry Lessons

Fair enough, people take classes to master the technique of the oboe. I have no objection to similar training for poets. Let's use some of the Ruth Lilly money to give aspiring poets typing lessons.
[Ben H.: 5/6/04 11:20]
 
   
Poetry Today

This story is actually more about how New York City works than about contemporary poetry ... but it's even more shameful. I am aware -- never mind how -- of a recent civil lawsuit in the city. Some homeboy in Harlem was taking a shower; a bit of rotten ceiling fell on him, injuring his head and shoulders (the body parts, not the shampoo); he found doctors (possibly Dr. Nick Riviera) willing to confirm his "soft tissue damage" ... in short, everything was in place for a huge payday at his slumlord's expense, only one thing was missing: a way to get from the measly actual medical bills to the $1.25 million he wanted. He has no job, and cannot point to any "lost earnings". Solution: he claims that these injuries have made him too distraught to continue writing poetry. He actually stood up in court, weeping, and recited a poem (supposedly) from the glorious days before the plaster chunk killed his muse. "I will always love you / whenever I see a sunset ... ", something along those lines (I heard it secondhand and don't fully remember). My source says it's basically a cinch; any New Yorker (who can't get out of jury duty) loves an underdog and hates a slumlord, and this latter-day Langston Hughes is about to get the biggest poetry windfall since
that loony heiress died.

The defense attorney seems kind of incompetent, though. I would have brought in a parade of literary scholars to testify that hardship and suffering are precisely what sparks the best poetry. From Poe to Adrienne Rich, it's nothing but melancholy and woe. Hell, I would have countersued for my share of the rich poetic material that I literally dropped on the guy! [Doug: 5/6/04 09:25]
 
     
 
Poet School

What's wrong with poet school? Having a good poet set you exercises with various meters/forms/etc might be quite helpful ("I want five sestinas on the starters for the Minnesota Timberwolves on my desk tomorrow"). Poetic lannguage is an instrument, and we don't think it's crazy to take oboe lessons.

Whether the practice of "poetry classes" bears any resemblance to this, I wouldn't know...

[Ben A.: 5/6/04 09:22]
   
 
The Poet's Day Job

I've never enjoyed Steven's poetry, but I do think his life story gives the lie, as you say, Ben, to the academic poets' rebel pose. THe whole idea of learning to be a poet is so silly, and yet few doubt the need for workshop credentials. Learning at school to be a poet! You might as well take a correspondence course to become a prophet!
[Ben H.: 5/6/04 08:51]
 
 
Don't Hate the Game, Hate the Players

I must disagree, Doug. It's not poetry that's hateful, but the poets themselves.

Back when I read poetry, I liked it. And perhaps in some halcyon past, when artists were just guys that made art, I would have liked the poets too. Now, however, poets are typically among the worst of the capital 'A' Artists -- attracted more by membership in the aristocracy of exquisite sensitivity than by the imperative of creation. As per usual, we can pin the cultural rot on the Romantics (and international super-villain Oscar Wilde).

I've always thought the biography of Wallace Stevens constitutes a brilliant rebuke to the prevailing concept of Art as lifestyle. After a hard eight hours at Hartford Accident and Indemnity, he would return home and produce some of the strangist, purist poetry in the language. No bohemian stylings, no gimcrack political stands, no cocktail chatter: just words arranged as no one would have imagined. Let the lamp affix its beam!

Addendum: It's not even that Stevens is entirely to my taste. He's not. Yeats, Marvell, Blake are all closer to my sensibility. But you can see that there's something going on there: it's the real thing, true poetic vision. And that vision comes way out in left field; more 'transgressive,' if you will, than a thousand inverted crosses.
[Ben A.: 5/5/04 23:08]
   
     
   
"God I hate poetry"

... may be the Dead Milkmen line I agree with most (except "Jellyfish heaven is a lot like L.A.", than which truer words were never spoken). Nonetheless, I did versify back when I was younger and more pretentious, and, as I mentioned in my
Orange County travelogue, I wrote some poems about California when I lived there about eight years ago. I said I would link to them, and hoped to do so during April, National Poetry Month. (It must say something about American poets' self-hatred that they chose April, which the most famous recent American poem's first line calls "the cruelest", for their own month.) I didn't quite make it, but here they are. On Dao's advice, I resisted the urge to touch up the worst parts, so they remain authentic records of that time ("Nachlass, get your Nachlass!"). The only really intrinsically good one is "There is no molding in California", I think. [Doug: 5/5/04 11:41]
 
 
Up With Big Brother

Why would a Harvard student give $1000 to Bob Graham? Check under his father's name, probably down in Florida. Would bet its a family affair. WOuldn't be shocked if this kid was or will be a Graham intern. Looks nice on a resume.

I looked at my new neighborhood: practically all Kerry money. Only famous name I saw: James Gleick (Kerry).
[Ben H.: 5/3/04 15:51]
 
 
OED

Doug, sent you a second email... scumfish is probably variance of scomfish, which itself is a variant of scomfit, which itself is a shortened form of discomfit. The sense of scomfit is to "defeat" especially "defeat in battle or combat." Scomfish, however, also has the sense "to stifle."
[Ben H.: 5/3/04 15:12]
 
   
Hapax Legomenon Watch

I'm setting up a "metadata" page for this site that will, among other things, explaining what the bandarlog are.
This poem will be featured. But what does the verb "scumfish" mean? Ben H. reports that the OED doesn't list it. I found a reference to Scots dialect for "To choke with smoke". Mysterious. (And this site certainly doesn't clear anything up.)

[Doug: 5/3/04 14:54]
 
     
 
Big Brother Fun

The moral of the story: horrible privacy invaion, list your work address, etc. But that said let's go trolling! Fun facts:

1. Nobel Prize winner (Chemistry!) Wally Gilbert gave 2k to .. Dennis Kucinich. (Also, he lives on Grey Gardens -- another frequent running path for me, and one of the most beautiful streets in Cambridge. Explanation: he also founded Biogen)
2. A lot less love for Joltin' Joe Lieberman than I would have predicted.
3. A Harvard College student gave $1000 to Bob Graham. Dude, why not just burn the money?
[Ben A.: 5/3/04 14:41]
   
     
   
Can Big Brother Get a PDF?

That site is unbelievable. Another interesting thing: how do all these "self-employed" "writers" and "poets" do well enough to blow $2K on a political campaign? Well, I guess I can write to them now, and ask ...
[Doug: 5/3/04 14:13]
 
     
 
I'm Soaking In It!

Great, great
site.

(also: I just realized I run past Lawrence Tribe's house. It's fricking sweet!) [Ben A.: 5/3/04 13:47]
   
 
Seriously, can a brother get a pdf? If Doug and I both buy a newstand copies of the Georgetown Immigration Law review, we may throw off their quarterly guidance. [Ben A.: 5/3/04 12:20]
   
 
Stingy Bastards!

I guess their greed for library subscription fees exceeds their zeal to spread knowledge. I see now that Georgetown doesn't put law review contents online!
[Ben H.: 5/3/04 12:20]
 
   
I'll have to look through my old copies of the Georgetown Immigration Law Journal ... which month was that? [Doug: 5/3/04 10:14]
 
 
Subway Relativity

I had a Eureka moment underground this morning. At half-past five I hustled into the Borough Hall subway station, just in time to catch the #4 train. My relief at finding the train still in the station gave way to suspicion. I needn't have rushed, as the doors remained open even after I found a seat. A minute or two later, the conductor (who had a thick Chinese accent -- a detail which will later be significant to the story) informed us of a "signal problem at Bowling Green." A minute or two later, he announced that the signal problem would entail a subtantial delay and that we should switch to another line. I dragged my ass down two platforms, up the stairs, across a passageway, down two stairs and spent another 5 minutes waiting for the N train. I rode the creaking N to Union Square, debarked, and trudged up the stairs, down the passageway and down the stairs to the Lex platform, where a 6 and a 4 were just arriving. The 4s doors opened and a familiar, Chinese-accent voice announced "Union Square."

My conclusion: the maximum speed at which a subway traveller can move from station A to station B is constant.
[Ben H.: 5/3/04 09:07]
 
 
Get me my heart medicine, quick!

Thanks, Ben, for including a link designed to send my blood-pressure soaring. For reasons of health -- mental, physical, and spiritual -- I've given up the Sunday Times. Huntington is giant and Solomon a worm. End of story. I think we can safely say that having a Jewish mag scribbler prick Huntington with WASP stereotypes and call Mary Magdalene "Christ's girlfriend" should not be filed under "good for the Jews."

As for Huntington, I haven't read the new book, but I did read the Foreign Affairs article from which it developed. I found it persuasive, and, as you might expect given the press's frothing, the argument he makes is much narrower than his critics admit (cf. The Bell Curve). I think immigration is a key to understanding why American has remained so dynamic (take a look at the team I've assembled at work: of the 8 people that work for me, only two were born in the US); such a view is not incompatible with appreciation of Huntington's thesis, which has to do with the pattern of immigration and what we expect of immigrants. And indeed, it is irrefutable that a pattern of concentrated mass immigration from one region and linguistic community, combined with an establishment that no longer insists on, or even provides facilities for, assimilation is a major innovation in American policy. It will (probably already has) have consequences. To deny that does not constitute an argument, but rather the rhetorical equivalent of putting one's hands over one's ears and yelling, "la-la-la I can't hear you."

(Aside: in Lima, I attended a dinner at which the keynote speaker was Maria Vargas Llosa. He spent most of the long post-prandial disquisition on criticizing Huntington's view, or rather a straw-man version. MVLl worked up a head of steam over Huntington's alleged Anglo-Prot chauvinism. Of course, one can simuiltaneously adhere to an academic-style cultural relativism and still accept, as Huntington asserts, that of all the rainbow of equally valuable cultures out there, the one that has for two centuries prevailed in American civic culture is the Anglo-Prot one; and that to move it off this foundation is, if not a "deterioration" or "improvement", is an important change, worthy of note and debate.)

At some point, I want to have a discussion here about what exactly you guys see as the purpose of immigration. What duties do those of us already here toward those of us who are not already here? What prerogatives does the citizenry have with respect to selecting who gets to come here and who gets to stay here? What place is there for the notion of "consent" -- the consent of the community to a newcomer joining it; the consent of the newcomer to an existing social contract? On this last point, I'd recommend as a starting point Bernie's article "The Gestation of Birthright Citizenship" in the
Georgetown Immigration Law Journal (not merely on nepotistic grounds, but because it is on point and excellent!) [Ben H.: 5/2/04 18:25]
 
 
Just What the Web Needs...

..Another politicized attack on the New York Times. I know, really I do. But is not the Deborah Solomon's "questions" feature of the magazine immensly revealing? I often find it loathesome: the reaching for quick "gotcha" points, and the incomprehension of heterodox opinion. Today's interview of
Samuel Huntington was a classic case: no real understanding of or engagement with Huntington's position, just attempts to explain away H's unwelcome conclusion (actual question: "How can you reconcile being a Democrat with your views on immigration"). This was the grain of salt needed to crystalize an over-saturated grievance. Thus, I present you with my all time favorite times interview, Laura Whaley, the author of a "teen bible." I've excerpted below. Read and marvel:


DS: Can you provide us with an example of your efforts at translation?

LW: O.K. One of my favorites is Psalms 1:1. The King James says, ''Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly.'' I learned it when I was 8. I'm a third-generation pastor's kid, and I didn't have a clue what it meant.

DS: How do you prefer to translate that line?

LW: In the New Century Version, it says, ''Happy are those who don't listen to the wicked.''

DS: But the King James Bible is a piece of imaginative literature on par with Shakespeare.

LW: It is Shakespearic! That's the problem. All those thous. I can honestly say my heart breaks because the church has made it so difficult for people to grasp the concepts of the Bible.

DS: And yet you were able to grasp the concepts sufficiently to extract fashion tips from them.

LW: A ''Revolve'' girl makes a point of dressing modestly. She might wonder to herself, Would God find this too revealing or too suggestive?

DS: But Mary Magdalene, who was Christ's girlfriend, favored low necklines and loads of jewelry.

LW: Mary was a friend of Christ. From the Bible, we have no indication that there was any sexual relationship with her.

DS: You could argue that Christ was drawn to her precisely because of her flamboyant clothing.

LW: Christ was drawn to everyone. I think he loved Mary regardless of her clothing.




[Ben A.: 5/2/04 12:39]
   
 
Recipe For Disaster

In the Mid 90s, the success of Pulp Fiction launched a fleet of Tarantino-knock-off into the theatres. All aspired to a mix of graphic violence, irony, and off-beat humor. Most (example: "10 things to do in Denver when you're dead") were awful.

Kill Bill one, with its dreadful knowingness (the 70s throwback graphics, the cheap red-tinged airline shots) crashingly lame pop-culture references (silly rabbit), and gross out moments (the vaseline, e.g.) fits the pulp-fiction knock-off category nicely. All it needs is Christopher Walken. Through Jackie Brown, at least, I was a Tarantino defender. He had his foibles, sure, but overall he delivered: three sharp, enjoyable movies. With this context, Kill Bill seems almost a self-mockery, a conscious turning away from the aspects of Tarantino's talent (dialogue, humor) that separated him from his imitators. At least there's some good foot-severing...
[Ben A.: 5/2/04 12:07]
   
 
Inconsiderate Cellphone Man Returns!!!

The dude in the suit, waving is back, with all new catchphrases! I saw him at the Court Street cinemas just now. I had to sit through 2 hours of asinine Kill Bill Vol 2 as the price of catching a glimpse of ICM, but I think it was worth it, barely.

Recipe for Film a la Tarantino:

Ingredients

1 Mediocre Mind
15 gallons fake blood
10 slumming actors, past prime
$50mio

Place Mediocre Mind behind counter at video store for 5 years. Steep well in obscure, B-level genre flicks. Use mediocre mind to mix blood, actors, and $50mio; place in theatre for 2.5 hours. It is crucial that in no stage of preparation the Film be contaminated with any Morality or Purpose. Best served to audience of smug hipsters.
[Ben H.: 5/2/04 00:07]
 
 
The Anti-Ivy League

A new pleasure I've discovered: pulling ivy off a building. I needed to clear a bit of the creeper off my house and anticipated it as a tiresome chore. However, when I succeeded by dint of clumsy, brute force in detaching an enormous ramified bundle of the plant, I can't tell you the sense of satisfaction I felt. With a tug, the last, spindy tendrils detached from the upper reaches of the facade and the whole mess came tumbling down... ahh!

Incidentally, it may have something to do with ambivalent feelings about the Ivy League. At least one prominent Harvard alum also exhibited a
fascination with the stuff... [Ben H.: 5/1/04 18:36]
 
 
I'm Making A List

I'm with Deb on list-making as a technique for making difficult decisions. Unless you think you will enumerate a single pro or con which by itself would be dispositive, I don't know what to do with such a list. It comes down to quantifying the qualitative. This topic has a certain importance for me; making investment decisions often comes down to the same thing. One can generate an exhaustive list of reason why something would be a good investment or a bad investment -- don't get me wrong, a good analyst will come up with items that others might miss -- but turning those lists into a price taxes one's reason. I've been making some forays into "systematic trading" in my markets, that is building a computerized system to generate forecasts and optimized portfolios. What this has involved has been thinking in depth about how a good trader might come to a decision about where to invest, enumerate all the factors he might look at, and doing various complicated and involved statistical analysese between these factors and asset returns. So far, we have had good success. The funny thing is that looking at how the system is arriving at the recommendations it does sheds some light on the way I have made investment decisions. The human brain, I think, implicitly does quantify multifarious qualitative factors in making decisions. We are used to describing explicitly quantitative or rule-based decision-making, as applied to personal life, as cold or hyper-rational. I'm starting to feel that everyone thinks this way; it's just a question of whether it is implicit or explicit (and whether one has a good or bad model, of course!).
[Ben H.: 5/1/04 18:30]
 
 
How Big a Nerd Were You?

I can only identify 15 of the
40 screenshots.

[Ben A.: 4/30/04 18:40]
   
 
This is Going to be HUGE in Japan

Yes, they sell
imaginary girlfriends.





[Ben A.: 4/30/04 17:30]
   
     
   
Several people have suggested that our names be appended to our respective posts, so I just change the code -- let me know if you have better ideas for this. As always, the date stamp link at the end of a post is a "perma-link" to the archived location of a post. [Doug: 4/30/04 16:35]
 
     
 
Deb: I'm really undecided between a four year and five year [med school] plan
Me: I often find it useful to write out a list of pros and cons
Deb: That's why you're in business and I practice the art of healing
[Ben A.: 4/30/04 09:19]
   
 
Alfred E. Newman's CPI

You guys have heard me rant and rave about the shortcomings of the U.S.'s inflation indices. These have been telling us that deflation looms, while personal experience argues the opposite. The Atlanta Fed will shortly publish a study examining distortions in the core CPI arising from the impact of lower interest rates on imputed housing costs and used car prices. The bottom line: core CPI number may understate true inflation by 1.1% (i.e. 1.1 percentage points). Instead of 1.6% inflation (dangerously low according by the Fed's lights), we'd have 2.7%. Of course, nobody has yet taken on my bugbears, namely problems in weightings and quality-adjustment...
[Ben H.: 4/30/04 08:01]
 
     
 

 

 

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